So, even though I will be coming back to Salem to visit on occasion, there are still goodbyes to be said. For example, yesterday was the last regular service I'll attend at Church on the Hill. I hope to make it back there to visit some, I just don't know how often and I can't make any promises.
Yesterday also held the last Timothy Project. I loved my group, I still love them, lol...I loved seeing them regularly, and I hope to still see them. Something i didn't realize until recently is that I miss having sincere camaraderie with people. Something that isn't forced, just comes naturally. That is what I feel like I have with these girls. I don't feel like I need to prove anything to them in how I act. I don't have any qualms being myself around them. At our pow pow around the campfire we were talking about Bindo (I'll leave you all in wonder) and I realized something pretty important....I havent had an "inside" joke with a group of people in a really long time. It meant a lot for me to realize that. I can't wait for floopday (leaving you all in suspense again because it is fun) so we can laugh and be random together.
I've been running into a lot of people these last few weeks, and I believe it is totally a God thing. Paving the right path for me, reminding me of why I am moving away from Salem. Close enough to maintain my friendships and professional ties to Salem, but far enough away to finally be free of the drama and strings attached to past friendships. It is giving me the chance to cut the dead branches in my life off so that energy is focused into making the rest of my branches blossom twice as much.
I've been thinking about what lines I need to make after I move. I want to find a good balance between maintaining supports and friendships as well as gaining distance. I know distance needs to be formed between me and any social work program in salem. I could say a lot of rant-y things here, but i'll let that horse die. There are still people I'd like to see, but I'm not going to force anything. I feel like I've befriended some staff there, but a lot of times my definition of friend differs from others. I'll reach my hand, we'll see who takes it.
Today I got a new anxiety medication. That story is too long to tell and too messed up to figure out how to put into words. (not messed up as in bad, but as in confusing) I'll add a blurb explaining if any of my anxiety gets better.
In other news, today I got my license picture taken. I look dead, no surprise there...same as all id pictures, lol. went to dr and found out I'm fat again. tried to talk about derby and all she said is "in any case where a 23 year old patient that is otherwise healthy but is overweight, that is generally the cause of any pain in the feet and back." Ok lady, I can understand that if I was lazy and did nothing and then decided to get up and be active with no warning, but I've been working at this and so far it has been 2 days and I'm still feeling pain. I don't want pain meds (she insinuated that I was trying ti get pain meds) I told her that I don't want pain meds, I want to be able to skate. She said to set another appointment, I hate doctors. Yes, I know I'm a fat tub of lard, but please stop assuming that that also means I am lazy.
hmm...so...dating. This has come up a lot in questions with friends, so here we go. My dating life has sucked. I got reminded of it today. My longest relationship ended in 2007. That was a long time ago. There are a lot of things I think you retain from relationships, especially the first one you felt the feeling of being in love. I can't say if I believe that you can fall "in love" twice, but it is hard for me to believe that one can fall "in love" harder than the first time one fell in love. There will be scars. For me, not scars that make it hard for me to love again, but scars to the point where I hope that falling in love harder than the first time is possible. Every guy I've dated since that relationship has not lasted more than a week. I've been stood up more times in the last 4 years than I ever thought was possible. Sometimes it is hard to not take it personally, wonder what is wrong with me that a guy can't even give me a chance before walking away. Another part of me knows that it is probably better that I feel scorned before emotions are attached than after. So for now I'm sittin back. There are guys I notice or "crush" on, but I think that is just me kind of realizing what I like in guys and pointing it out. Yeah, there are guys I would like to try dating, but don't think it will actually happen.
don't know what else to say here. I see Sara in less than 24 hours =]
I know it sounds silly to say this... but there are guys out there you will connect with better than the ones that have come your way so far. And I have no doubt you will fall waay harder than your first love one day, it just takes the right kind of guy! =P
ReplyDeleteKeep skating! But don't overdo it. Try 3 or 4 times a week or something so it gives your feet/pain some rest yet it also slowly works them to betterness!
..... =P
and by the way, I'm glad you're blogging so much. It makes me feel like I actually know what's going on in my friends lives from far away. =)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're following my blog =] I miss you very much. and thanks for the comments =] I will keep skating, it just hurts a ton. lol
ReplyDeleteI feel bad I didn't even know this was here :( Although since I don't really blog anymore, thats probably why.
ReplyDeleteSamantha, first thing I'd like to say is you are not a tub of lard. None of us are perfect, and by most standards even I am considered "obese." but that does not mean I, or you, are unhealthy. You are, and always have been a very special and beautiful woman, and if I have to I'll keep saying it till I'm blue in the face.
And all these guys that lasted only a week. They don't know what they are missing out on. And I'm sorry to say, it's their loss not yours. You will find someone who will treat you good, and make you feel better then you ever have before. I think all these trials we go through before that happens are just to make sure we recognize it when we see it.
You have friends who will always be here for you, even if we're at a distance. And I at least am so proud of everything you've accomplished and cant wait to see what else you do.
Thanks so much for your kind words Rodger =] I am glad to have friends like you.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's ok not knowing this was here, I made my first post at the end of April and didn't actually start putting information in it until last week. So no epic fail, I promise =]