This was all posted in various times and updated randomly. Forgive the mess, just posting it. lol. the part after the line was all written today.
I haven’t typed one of these up in a while. There is so much to update about and so little time to do it. I’ll do my best…bear with me…feel free to ask questions or for more details. There will be more than one post. I am typing this into word, I do not have internet right now so it is getting hard to post. I didn’t date earlier posts so I’ll try to incorporate them into what I update about.
Job: I love my job. Yes, there are complaints and office politics almost always have some sort of negative to them, but I still love my job. There are some stresses, like if there aren’t enough calls coming in then people get sent home and I’ve been sent home a lot of that. (It is not a reflection of how I am doing, but a reflection of what time I get off, so no worries there) the main issues are me not having enough money and also me not having enough calls to have customers give surveys to so it could effect that.
Other things with work are good. I have gotten 8 call coachings (where they record my call and score me on it. )I passed all but one of them so I’m doing well there. I have had 6 customer surveys and those aren’t going so well because of how they word the questions. The customers will rate me as a 9 on average, but they rate their overall experience in regards to that issue as a lower number. All the ones I got low scored on for the overall process were due to an agent before me. I did everything right but I was fixing a previous agent’s mistake so it hurt me in the end =[
I love my coworkers, I love my manager, I love my hours, and I love what I do. It’s not a dream job or even close to what I want to do for the rest of my life, but I do love it.
Boys: This department could use some work. I think I’ve kind of given up on the guy I like. Not in the sense that I have closed that door…but I think I’ve made myself pretty clear without using neon signs, and either the guy has no guts to say anything or he isn’t interested and I am sticking to my guns that I won’t ask a guy out anymore. To add to that, I keep thinking that the more I get to know him the more I think we’d just be better friends. Oh and if I haven’t explained this before, my reasoning for not asking a guy out anymore is that me asking a guy out has never really worked. Either it hurts me more in the long run (because they say no and then hate me because I asked them and their friends mock them for it…petty….I know); or the guy doesn’t want to tell me no so we date and then it ends after a while when I find out why he said yes or he just stops showing interest; and the third reason is the guy thought that since I asked him out that I’d “give him some” and since I am not asking him out to “give him some” then he realizes this and dumps me.
Lessons to be learned if a guy that likes me ever reads this: (and for my girls who read this and wonder what goes through my mind when I rant)
1) Just because I say yes to a date does not mean I say yes to sex.
2) I don’t date just to have someone to be with…if after a while I don’t think it will go anywhere, I will bring it up…I already wasted 4 years of my life with a guy that didn’t go anywhere and I won’t repeat that. I’d rather end it sooner than keep holding on wishing something would change that won’t.
3) I hug guys. Yes, even when I’m dating someone. I like hugs, high-fives, leaning on people, and a variety of friends of all genders and personality types. This does not mean I cheat. I don’t cheat.
4) I have never and will never hold my dating history or yours against you. I expect the same. My view of all guys does not change because I had a bad experience with one guy. Just because I had a bad experience does not mean I am “broken” and unable to handle a relationship. Don’t think this of me and I’ll give you the same courtesy. I learn from my mistakes and I don’t let them bring me down.
5) Have some guts to ask me out if you are interested. I will not treat you differently if you ask me and I am not interested. I am still friends with all of my ex-boyfriends, even the one that cheated on me with my best friend. I do not just say this, I hold myself to it. I do not think it is wrong, I do not think it tempts me to cheat, if it didn’t work before, it won’t work later so why lose a great friend over it?
Oh there are probably more for that list, but I’ll stop there.
Friends: I have been hanging out a lot with so many different people and I love it. Gaming, beach trip, random rendezvous, etc. I am sort of getting tired of people raining on my parade though, whining that I never see them saying they want to see me and then not showing it. Here is another list for the friends out there, lol. (this list will be the last time I say some of this, just because I’m tired of making the same rant. If people can’t get it, I’ll stop trying.)
1) Don’t tell me you want to see me or hang out with me just to make me feel loved; I don’t need the false advertisement. I am really not in dire need of friends, I don’t pride myself on how many friends I have, I pride myself on how strong my friendships are.
2) Don’t expect me to always come to you, ESPECIALLY if you never come to see me. For my Salem friends, if I just drove to Salem, you could have the decency to meet me somewhere that will help keep it convenient for me. I try to see a lot of people when I come down to Salem and if everyone expects me to come to them, I’m going to stop it. I can’t afford it, I can barely afford my trips to Salem much less having to drive all the way out south and then back or way out east when my meetings are downtown or West Salem. Just because I bridged the 50-mile gap does not mean it all of a sudden becomes convenient for me to drive everywhere. And I do see some people every time I come and that is because they either live or work in or close to downtown so that IS convenient.
3) WE don’t have to see each other to be friends. One of my closest friends is in Australia and I’ve never met her. I know I grew up with a lot of people and I make a lot of friends, but the best ones will still be there even when lives get busy, paths separate, etc.
4) Do not, I repeat, do not make me feel bad for hanging out with my other friends. I am so tired of this and I’m tired of repeating this as well. If I post about how much fun I had with so and so, BE HAPPY FOR ME! Do not say “OH why didn’t you invite me?”, Or “when are you going to hang out with me?” I hate this. DO NOT make me feel bad for living my life. It’s a two-way street, it looks like there is construction on your side and if it keeps up, I might just make my side into a dead end.
Again, probably more to be there, but ah well…next topic.
Home life: My roommate is the best I’ve had. I am not just saying that because she reads this. We have our struggles, but the struggles we have are simple compared to any I’ve had before. And unless she isn’t telling me something, our issues are normal and to be expected with different personalities under the same roof. It’s weird for me though. I’m not used to having a roommate that is my best friend. We do hang out more now than we ever have, but I still feel bad sometimes because I came up here and jumped into a bunch of groups and meet-ups, our schedules are opposite and when I get home from work I’m always tired and she has done so much around the house and I’m all zombie-Samwise…I’m surprised she hasn’t murdered me in my sleep or blown up at me yet. Blah. Paranoia and anxiety has set in.
TIIIIIRED……Must go to bed now.
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Ok, now I’m just gonna write about topics as I think of them and keep adding more. I don’t know when the internet will get fixed at my apartment but I’m hoping it is soon.
So I had a semi-short conversation with Sara and I feel much better about our situation. I know I need to stop letting my anxiety get the best of me.
I got so stressed I cried at work today. It isn’t really crying, my eyes just got all watery because I was frustrated. I basically got told that the reason I can’t move up is because of things I can’t really control. I am going to try my best to fix it, but there is no guarantee. I got an hour of overtime today but today was so fast paced all of my breaks turned into unpaid work conversations and I was ok with that but I didn’t get to bug Jem and then when I was able to bug him, he was busy. Tomorrow is another day. I do like my job and I'm not just saying this, just voicing my stresses so In don't bottle them in.
I need to get better at scheduling. I am really bad at it. I plan too many things and then I forget and have to cancel on people. I don’t do it a lot, but twice in a month is too much for me. I also want to balance my schedule and give myself time to clean, time to relax, and time to have fun. I just need a planner, but one I will actually use. That is an explanation for another time.
Next on the agenda, I’m thinking of getting a bike to ride around instead of drive everywhere. I’ll start by riding to work and back and work up my muscles again, but I loved riding before and the only thing in my way is my lack of a bicycle. I think I need to fix this.
I want to post this and I’ll work on updating the rest; hopefully by the end of the night but maybe not until later this week.
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