Lots of fun stuff to update on. Well, sort of.
I'll start with work. I'm trying not to freak out about my job. I don't think I will get fired, but I am on a performance plan which means my stats aren't up to par and they want to put me through a specialized training to help me improve. They will listen to three extra calls of mine a week, I have to have someone sit with me and listen to my calls and I listen to them do some calls. It is a program for 7 weeks and if I don't improve, I could be fired. My manager assured me that he thinks that I will be just fine, I just wish my anxiety would allow me to believe that. My anxiety is running like an elephant in my brain and it sucks. What is good for me is that I keep getting call coachings (where they listen to your call and grade you on it) and I get raving reviews. There is only one I have not passed and it was kind of a fluke, but I have gotten 100% on most of the rest, others I will get 89% or 95% which is still awesome. It is just that I'm not getting the customer surveys coming in. It is so frustrating. I'm really trying to be ok with it. When I talk out loud about it I try to be all ok with it but I'm freaking out on the inside. We will see how this goes. I really love my manager, he has my back and I am putting my trust in him on this.
With living in Beaverton it has been hard to keep as strong of contact with people from Salem. Some people put as much effort as I do so it is easy, but others expect me to do all the work. I have been really good about standing my ground on this. I am not letting people abuse my friendship. I really believe that if I am driving 45 miles from Beaverton to Salem and their house is out of my way, I can fully expect them to find a way to come 3 miles to meet me downtown. I am holding true to this, so this is the first time I am not ranting about this. I like it. When people complain they can't argue with my logic. I drove 45 miles and they can't come to see me? yeah they have no rebuttal. lol.
My anxiety is getting manageable. My worst anxiety is geared toward failure so the stuff at work was affecting me pretty bad. Finally I got the courage to talk to my manager about it and he was so awesome. He was glad I talked to him about it because I guess someone else was going through the same thing but instead of talking about it the guy just got so stressed he walked out and left his job. I won't do that, and my manager is up front and honest with me instead of babying me after finding out about my anxiety. It is a great help to me.
Another thing, I love that I am pretty much the counselor to all my friends without being a counselor hahaha. The only thing is at work it makes it kind of difficult. I'm generally seen as a leader in my training group so people come to me to ask for advice but don't want to talk to higher ups when I don't feel comfortable about it because I can't do anything about it, only listen and give advice. Sometimes it involves sensetive HR reportable information and I don't want it to affect my job performance...I also don't want to bail on the people who talk to me. blah. lol. Why do I have to be so dang nice sometimes. =] My manager is giving me advice on that so he is just an all around helper =]
One thing I miss a lot lately is TV. I miss being able to veg on the couch sometimes and watch TV. Hulu is a great help with that, but now TV channels aren't allowing their shows to come online for a week and it sucks when everything is ruined for me before I watch it.
I'm typing this at work....and my mind is just not here today. Too tired. I'll end this here and call it. lol.
That's how I felt when I came to visit, and when we came to visit over Christmas. It's just such a draining feeling, always being somewhere and not actually having a "home" to go to when visiting from Italy. So I honestly feel like I need people to do their part if they want to see me when I'm there... otherwise I feel too stressed and seeing people becomes a burden.
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