(written over two days, forgive if thoughts drift in the middle. lol)
I think the amount of stress I had to deal with on Friday was too much. I slept in, but my mind was still exhausted. I don't like it when that happens. I woke up with a head ache, took some ibuprofen and then slept for a bit longer. When I have a day that emotional (ending in more emotion as I posted) it was just too much I guess. Also, going to bed with such deep emotions running through my head made me have weird dreams. So weird, that I won't repeat them here. The dreams just caught me by surprise. I don't know what to think about them. I never really know how to take my dreams or if I should take anything from them, but I do believe that something in dreams can mean something, it just depends on if you get the right message.
I hacked half my hair off. It was a really refreshing feeling. I don't fully understand why, but it just was. My hair is all even now, my highlights still remain a little at the bottom. I think I'll dye them purple. I don't know what else I was going to say here, oh well. =]
Today is Sunday and I have to say those thoughts of longing didn't bother me today. My attempts to suppress them again seem to be working. I know I'll still think them and feel them until that void is filled again, and that is alright, but they aren't at the forefront of my vision like they have been for the past few days.
I had a lot of fun today. Played Magic with Jem and rock band, then we went to Portland. Our plans were foiled in Portland, so we went to Rainy Day, played two board games and then the Magic the Gathering Pre-Release Sealed Tournament. I failed miserably, but it was fun nonetheless. I did win 1 match and I had a draw for one (meaning we didn't win or lose) and it was my first tournament since I was 14. It went well. I remembered exactly why I loved it for so long. This trend will continue. =]
It was really cool today, Jem and I had a pretty personal conversation, but I didn't feel nervous or anything. I helped me realize some things though. One thing that I didn't realize until now...I couldn't think of many reasons why I liked my ex for so long. It just points out to me how much I was blinded by the connection I felt that we had. We did have a lot in common and were able to be awkward and anti-social together, but I couldn't think of anything today that I would consider to be something worth the amount of time I spent in that relationship. He did give really good hugs and was good at being comforting, but I can have that in friends as well to a point (read last post again to understand that). I'll stop rambling about that, it was just nice to know I don't long after him anymore, that talking about him does not make me miss him anymore. I had never really noticed because nobody had asked about him for a loooooooong time, so I had no comparison.
Last but not least, my anxiety. It sometimes gets worse, with certain people I feel a lot less anxiety. For example, I am always anxious when it comes to annoying people. I always feel like people want me to shut up but won't say anything, or that people don't like my conversation topics and won't say anything. Stuff like that. That is a big generalization, but not enough time to clarify a ton right now. Other times, I worry that people are angry at me and don't say anything. I don't fully understand this...I'll give more info as I do. I do know it makes me more emotional at work because a lot of my anxiety is geared towards my quality of work.....and it is not good right now. =[ Well I think it is, but the numbers don't show it =[
Have fun all, hope you are enjoying these tidbits into my brain.
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