Today was hard. I was hard on myself, customers were hard on me, it was just beat on Sammi day. Lots of angry customers, our tools broke down, I got listened to by someone who had been there less time than me...it was all not helping my confidence at my job and it just made it hard. To top it off I ended up having to stay late for a sup call, ruined an appointment I had which had other bad things and I was just cranky.
Cranky started to go away a little bit, but then while in Salem the topics that happened on Friday came up again and it made me sad, frustrated, and fired up. To add to my day at work, none of that helped. I just became an emotional wreck. Let's add the whipped cream. After ALL of this, I had a counseling appointment which always tears me raw in the best and worst ways.
On my way home I took deep breaths and calmed my mind down. I know I am doing well at my job, just encountering some bumps in the road. I know I am a good person, I can't let stupid situations make me think otherwise. I am loved, and I know it....sometimes.
The cherry on top of my self-esteem pie in the face was rock band...I did not do well, after my lack of confidence all day, I couldn't get myself to sing as normal. I couldn't tell if it was that the microphone was messing up, or my throat was still hoarse from the spent emotions of the day, or if I just couldn't have confidence to sing it all. It could have been a mixture. That tiny pinprick in my day was the cherry....light but complete.
The night ended well with Jem reading again, even though the story brought me to the verge of tears, it was a powerful part of the story. It was still beautiful and gave great imagery. Stories and great hugs to end the night, it was hard for me to be a responsible adult and go home and sleep for work. I could have sat there and listened to him read all night if I could. Now I will go to bed, dream of a pumpkin sapling growing in a burnt garden. I will wake up and tomorrow will be good. It will wipe today away. Mind over matter, right?
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