Music and Musings

Many discussions happen between me and many other people. I try to blog about them as I feel led by my creativity. This time it is music. Over time as I have grown up I noticed a lot of things I thought I liked were things I only liked because I thought it was the right thing to like or liking it would make me normal. Growing up with such judgmental people and living with that my whole life added to the other stresses I had, it's understandable that I would try and change myself to fit a mold so at least I felt like I had some sort of control. Well, over the last two years I've been trying to identify myself. Find those things that I don't really feel are true about me and find what is true.

Music in it's many forms fits so well into that. There is so much music that I thought I liked, and things about music that I thought I liked. Something vital that I have learned is that I don't see much of a point in music if you are just going to listen to it. Yes, music is supposed to be heard, but I feel it is meant to be interacted with. People listen to music as a background to their normal lives and that is cool, I just don't really have music just to listen to. I listen to music in my car, but I sing to it and it keeps me awake while I drive. I play music while I clean, but I clean to the beat and occasionally dance. I go to concerts, I play rock band or dancing games. Any time I listen to music, I am interacting with it somehow and that is the only way I think it should be for me. I'm not saying all should adopt this philosophy or else, this is just my vie and mine is one of many. Find it normal, find it weird, normal is just a word with no solid definition. I am me, I am unique, and I love it that way.


And now before I end, I'll leave you with this blurb. Call it abstract, an odd form of poetry, or just plain brain-puking...Call it what you want, but here it is:

Whenever I leave this place, a cord inside me pulls as if trying to get me to stay. I most likely could if I wanted, all I'd need is to choose the right words to say. Questions always arise in my head, confusion stirs in my heart. Laughter, heartache, peace, knowledge, and fear are all felt in a single moment, yet nothing changes...I still leave. I doubt my choices, but I stand firm to the words I've previously spoken. It tears me up, but everything is erased with one simple gesture and I forget...until I walk away. The gut-wrenching feeling is so real and tangible, I can feel it and it moves inside of me. I just do not know what to do about it. If the situation is spoken aloud, it either seems outrageous or wrong. Therefore I continue to contemplate...think on it...wonder...could I do something differently? Should I do something differently? Will the motions continue moving in circles, repeating their order while nothing changes? Or will that final moment come to fruition and appease the curiosity of my wondering mind?

And while I think I know what this is about, I didn't realize it until I wrote it...and I could still be wrong...I just felt like typing this out exactly as I thought it with no changes or additions, straight brain-puke. Sorry, the brain puke does not get an explanation. Cheers!

One last thing. Rain makes me REALLY happy. I love all of Oregon's weather. =]