Disclaimer: Some people might not like some stuff in this post. I said before that I will be honest and sometimes I might toe the line, but it is up to me to determine where that line lies and what determines crossing it. If you think you might get offended, please stop now. If you choose to continue, I will not take crap from anyone about these topics...you chose to continue. you have been warned.
Ok, so I have been trying to figure out how to post all of this because a lot of it has been on my mind due to conversations happening lately between me and various other people. Some of it will be reserved for my private blog, but some of it will be here. I'll try to make it readable.
So I don't know what to think in a lot of situations...due to my gutter mind and such, a lot of people assume things about me that aren't true. I'll clear the air. I am a virgin by all definitions in my mind. I was raped in my teens so TECHNICALLY I guess I'm not, but to myself I am. Don't worry about feeling sorry for my situation...I've been over it for a long time and I have no issues talking about it. Also, I did not abstain from sex because I was raped or because I'm a prude. I chose not to have sex before I even had a religion picked for myself. I saw my friends jumping like rabbits and breeding like them too...I opted out due to my own choice, not for lack of opportunity.
I don't think it is a taboo subject and I think that situation where I was raped has caused a lot of the feelings I currently feel. When people say I don't know what I'm talking about because I haven't experienced it, i do sometimes want to just duct tape their mouths shut. When you are raped you may not find pleasure in the situation, but it still causes your body to change and it still causes those hormones to be released that I guess cause you to want to have sex I guess? I don't know. lol. Basically it has been hard for me because no matter what I do people assume things about me. I have a gutter mind so I must be a slut, they find out I'm a virgin and now I'm a prude...someone hears I've been raped and now I'm broken and can never be fixed. (just to clarify, I am not broken or damaged...I do not blame all men for my situation and I do still have the capacity to love) All in all, I feel like I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. The desire is there, it's hard to ignore, but where things go from here is undetermined.
The second step of the topic title thingy...drugs. I don't do drugs. drugs is a vague word, but yeah. I quit smoking cigarettes almost a year ago. I have smoked pot and consumed foodstuffs with pot in them in the past...not delving into that. Other than that i've never used any sort of drug. I don't even like to take prescription drugs unless it really does help me, but I don't like to rely on them and I'll try to get to a point where I don't have to use them ASAP.
Third, rock and roll. ROCK AND ROLL WILL NOT KILL YOU, it will not make you go to hell either. I make the same argument that I make with books, it is how you interpret it that determines if it will influence you badly. I think fiction is fiction and should be treated as such. I will not censor my reading or listening habits by what the world decides is good or bad, I know my morals and I know my limits...they are not the same as most people and I can deal with that. Don't force your morals on me.
Other unrelated things to the sex, drugs, and rock and roll...work. I am taking on some overtime, I want a lot of it and I'll keep taking it. I think I'm moving on up in the ranks and we will see where things go. I love that my TM has my back, it makes coming to work less dreadful. He really is the best manager I have ever had.
random comment...picking on people does not mean I am flirting with them. Why do guys assume this? XD
I need to go to bed...hope I didn't lose any followers over this...but oh well...I will be me...deal with it.
I agree with you a 100% on this one, especially on music and books. People are tempted by different things, so why should we all avoid the same music and literature? I believe since we're all created by God in His image, whether we're Christian or not, we're capable of at least knowing a little truth. Therefore, any song or book has a little bit of truth to be gleaned from it, even if you have to sift out all the lies first. (And yes, I wrote a 12 page Lit Crit paper on this topic, haha.)
ReplyDeleteYour amazing hun <3 I agree with everything you said, and I voiced it myself recently. Also, I think I get where your coming from on the sexual side of things. Being in any kind of sexual abuse can do some strange thing's to your mind and body. I turned into a bit of a slut because of my own abuse, but it's not the same in everyone's case. Everyone is different and everyone reacts to these stresses differently. Your just a normal girl, hun. Don't let people tell you your a slut or a prude. They're just stupid, ha. <3
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be bold here and say I don't think smoking natural herbs in moderation is wrong. It's definitely not a sin(though I suppose that *could* be argued). But there is nothing inherently wrong about it. (and again, anything could be argued, lol)
ReplyDelete... for some reason I wanted to say that- because you probably didn't know my views on that. And I suppose I want to be less timid about things to my friends lately. *random*
I don't think it is a sin either, and yes, anything can be argued. I just lumped it in there. lol
ReplyDeleteI actually did know your views on that, we talked about it before and our views on it mesh pretty well. I do agree being less timid about things will be good for you =]