So, in Beaverton again. Last night was nuts. Drove Sara's car to the airport with her cat mewling along with the music and following her dad. I parked skillfully in between two improperly parked cars, and then it was off to meet Sara at baggage claim. Of course, when I saw her coming down the escalator I bounded over to say "HI!" and then we drove to our apartment. Downside was we had to unload her dad's car into our apartment and his car had to be parked all the way across the complex from us due to limited visitor parking. I was in pain and tired by the end, and we have one more car to unload and then my stuff at Julie's house. My body is already screaming, lol. A thought I had was if I worked so much in moving and going up and down stairs, how on earth have I GAINED weight? This is so not fair.
Snowflake is the best cat ever =] She is cute, loves to be loved on, and is pretty easy to take care of. We got her cat grass today and loved on her every chance we could. She likes to rub on our computers and shed on anything that is black. Good thing our carpet is the same color as her =]
Today has also been pretty eventful so far, but also very productive. We have Sara's car mostly unpacked, but our living room looks like a train hit it, lol. We now have trash cans, and soaps for the kitchen and so I was able to unpack and wash all the fine china and it is all put away nicely =]. We got shower curtains and put them up, can't wait to get more decorative stuff, but that will have to wait until I get money =[. We got food stamps. Well Sara did, but since we eat together, then we got food stamps. lol. I officially don't qualify because I'm a student and don't work. Somehow that doesn't seem to make sense...oh our government makes me laugh.
Another thing that happened today is I left my wallet in the cart at Target. It was an easy mistake since my wallet is the same color as the cart, but still frustrating. The store said the employee found it when he gathered the carts, either him or the person who looked inside to find my name decided it would be cool to take my $40 out before giving it back to me. I can't afford to lose that money =[ When I noticed it was missing a lot of worries came to my mind, like how am I going to put gas in my car now, and even besides that, how am I going to pay for the bus when I'm out of gas? I don't want to have Sara worry that this is going to be a regular occurrence, because I budgeted well with what little money I had, I didn't budget losing that money. I just don't like having to depend on help yet again. The most frustrating thing is that when I say I have no extra money, I'm not even kidding. All of my income until june 8th is rent money, after that I'm little better off since my budget will start over. grrr this sucks, but Sara is being amazing through all of it. I'm glad.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Saying Goodbye to Salem, Oregon
So, even though I will be coming back to Salem to visit on occasion, there are still goodbyes to be said. For example, yesterday was the last regular service I'll attend at Church on the Hill. I hope to make it back there to visit some, I just don't know how often and I can't make any promises.
Yesterday also held the last Timothy Project. I loved my group, I still love them, lol...I loved seeing them regularly, and I hope to still see them. Something i didn't realize until recently is that I miss having sincere camaraderie with people. Something that isn't forced, just comes naturally. That is what I feel like I have with these girls. I don't feel like I need to prove anything to them in how I act. I don't have any qualms being myself around them. At our pow pow around the campfire we were talking about Bindo (I'll leave you all in wonder) and I realized something pretty important....I havent had an "inside" joke with a group of people in a really long time. It meant a lot for me to realize that. I can't wait for floopday (leaving you all in suspense again because it is fun) so we can laugh and be random together.
I've been running into a lot of people these last few weeks, and I believe it is totally a God thing. Paving the right path for me, reminding me of why I am moving away from Salem. Close enough to maintain my friendships and professional ties to Salem, but far enough away to finally be free of the drama and strings attached to past friendships. It is giving me the chance to cut the dead branches in my life off so that energy is focused into making the rest of my branches blossom twice as much.
I've been thinking about what lines I need to make after I move. I want to find a good balance between maintaining supports and friendships as well as gaining distance. I know distance needs to be formed between me and any social work program in salem. I could say a lot of rant-y things here, but i'll let that horse die. There are still people I'd like to see, but I'm not going to force anything. I feel like I've befriended some staff there, but a lot of times my definition of friend differs from others. I'll reach my hand, we'll see who takes it.
Today I got a new anxiety medication. That story is too long to tell and too messed up to figure out how to put into words. (not messed up as in bad, but as in confusing) I'll add a blurb explaining if any of my anxiety gets better.
In other news, today I got my license picture taken. I look dead, no surprise there...same as all id pictures, lol. went to dr and found out I'm fat again. tried to talk about derby and all she said is "in any case where a 23 year old patient that is otherwise healthy but is overweight, that is generally the cause of any pain in the feet and back." Ok lady, I can understand that if I was lazy and did nothing and then decided to get up and be active with no warning, but I've been working at this and so far it has been 2 days and I'm still feeling pain. I don't want pain meds (she insinuated that I was trying ti get pain meds) I told her that I don't want pain meds, I want to be able to skate. She said to set another appointment, I hate doctors. Yes, I know I'm a fat tub of lard, but please stop assuming that that also means I am lazy.
hmm...so...dating. This has come up a lot in questions with friends, so here we go. My dating life has sucked. I got reminded of it today. My longest relationship ended in 2007. That was a long time ago. There are a lot of things I think you retain from relationships, especially the first one you felt the feeling of being in love. I can't say if I believe that you can fall "in love" twice, but it is hard for me to believe that one can fall "in love" harder than the first time one fell in love. There will be scars. For me, not scars that make it hard for me to love again, but scars to the point where I hope that falling in love harder than the first time is possible. Every guy I've dated since that relationship has not lasted more than a week. I've been stood up more times in the last 4 years than I ever thought was possible. Sometimes it is hard to not take it personally, wonder what is wrong with me that a guy can't even give me a chance before walking away. Another part of me knows that it is probably better that I feel scorned before emotions are attached than after. So for now I'm sittin back. There are guys I notice or "crush" on, but I think that is just me kind of realizing what I like in guys and pointing it out. Yeah, there are guys I would like to try dating, but don't think it will actually happen.
don't know what else to say here. I see Sara in less than 24 hours =]
Yesterday also held the last Timothy Project. I loved my group, I still love them, lol...I loved seeing them regularly, and I hope to still see them. Something i didn't realize until recently is that I miss having sincere camaraderie with people. Something that isn't forced, just comes naturally. That is what I feel like I have with these girls. I don't feel like I need to prove anything to them in how I act. I don't have any qualms being myself around them. At our pow pow around the campfire we were talking about Bindo (I'll leave you all in wonder) and I realized something pretty important....I havent had an "inside" joke with a group of people in a really long time. It meant a lot for me to realize that. I can't wait for floopday (leaving you all in suspense again because it is fun) so we can laugh and be random together.
I've been running into a lot of people these last few weeks, and I believe it is totally a God thing. Paving the right path for me, reminding me of why I am moving away from Salem. Close enough to maintain my friendships and professional ties to Salem, but far enough away to finally be free of the drama and strings attached to past friendships. It is giving me the chance to cut the dead branches in my life off so that energy is focused into making the rest of my branches blossom twice as much.
I've been thinking about what lines I need to make after I move. I want to find a good balance between maintaining supports and friendships as well as gaining distance. I know distance needs to be formed between me and any social work program in salem. I could say a lot of rant-y things here, but i'll let that horse die. There are still people I'd like to see, but I'm not going to force anything. I feel like I've befriended some staff there, but a lot of times my definition of friend differs from others. I'll reach my hand, we'll see who takes it.
Today I got a new anxiety medication. That story is too long to tell and too messed up to figure out how to put into words. (not messed up as in bad, but as in confusing) I'll add a blurb explaining if any of my anxiety gets better.
In other news, today I got my license picture taken. I look dead, no surprise there...same as all id pictures, lol. went to dr and found out I'm fat again. tried to talk about derby and all she said is "in any case where a 23 year old patient that is otherwise healthy but is overweight, that is generally the cause of any pain in the feet and back." Ok lady, I can understand that if I was lazy and did nothing and then decided to get up and be active with no warning, but I've been working at this and so far it has been 2 days and I'm still feeling pain. I don't want pain meds (she insinuated that I was trying ti get pain meds) I told her that I don't want pain meds, I want to be able to skate. She said to set another appointment, I hate doctors. Yes, I know I'm a fat tub of lard, but please stop assuming that that also means I am lazy.
hmm...so...dating. This has come up a lot in questions with friends, so here we go. My dating life has sucked. I got reminded of it today. My longest relationship ended in 2007. That was a long time ago. There are a lot of things I think you retain from relationships, especially the first one you felt the feeling of being in love. I can't say if I believe that you can fall "in love" twice, but it is hard for me to believe that one can fall "in love" harder than the first time one fell in love. There will be scars. For me, not scars that make it hard for me to love again, but scars to the point where I hope that falling in love harder than the first time is possible. Every guy I've dated since that relationship has not lasted more than a week. I've been stood up more times in the last 4 years than I ever thought was possible. Sometimes it is hard to not take it personally, wonder what is wrong with me that a guy can't even give me a chance before walking away. Another part of me knows that it is probably better that I feel scorned before emotions are attached than after. So for now I'm sittin back. There are guys I notice or "crush" on, but I think that is just me kind of realizing what I like in guys and pointing it out. Yeah, there are guys I would like to try dating, but don't think it will actually happen.
don't know what else to say here. I see Sara in less than 24 hours =]
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Roller Derby and other fun stuff
Today was epic beyond epic. If the world actually ended today, I would have died a very happy Sammi. So since today was not the end of the day, I get to write the novel of all blog posts and tell you about it all. For your safety, I'll break it up into chunks =]
**New Apartment: last night was the first night staying in my new apartment. It was pretty nice. I had no covers and shorts on yet never felt the need to use heat. I can definitely get used to this. I keep finding things that make my apartment cooler than other apartments I've had (examples: walk-in coat closet, tons of kitchen space, and a dimmer for the lights in the living room) The things I don't like are things outside my apartment. Living in low income housing I have a wide range of people living here...none of them seem to care about taking care of their "home" or maybe they don't think it is their "home" once they pass the threshold of their apartment. People leave their trash everywhere, and some person dropped a glass bottle of maple syrup in the middle of a walkway, did not pick it up(even the shards of glass) and the rest of the tenants just tracked the syrup all around it (glad I live upstairs because I don't want to deal with the and infestation to follow that). I may not like that, but I can handle it. I'll take care of the area around the outside of my own apartment, but it is just one of those things I don't like. The other thing is I learned that I won't be getting a night job, lol. I tried to take a nap today but the kids outside are so loud, and since they speak some foreign language I don't know of and very loudly, it just sounds like screams of gibberish and hard to tune out. Neither of those two things are enough to make me dislike my apartment, just things I could live without. =]
**Roller Derby: I don't know what to think about derby right now. I know it makes me happy, and lately there aren't a lot of things that make me really truly happy, so this is pretty big. (I get excited about various things but only certain things make me really truly happy.) First off, since I live in Beaverton now, I'll probably be switching leagues =[ I don't make enough money to drive back and forth. The other thing is, I am slightly discouraged anyway. I had a dream recently, though...one where I went to Oaks Park and skated but it didn't hurt at all. I became determined to see if this dream would come true. Soooo.....I went to Oaks Park to skate today. My dr told me to take it easy, even if all I can do is skate for five minutes, sit for 20 and do it again. He wasn't optimistic at all that I'd be able to skate ever. I am stubborn and want to skate, so I'm trying every avenue. Sooo...Oaks Park...I'm going to be really detailed here. I laced up my skates and took off on the floor. To be standing on those 8 wheels and moving around in an oval path made me so happy. I was all smiles as I went around my first two laps, but the smile was harder to keep as the pain kept creeping.
I tried to push through the pain and keep going, but I didn't want to push too far to start so after the 4th lap I sat down. I know that sounds lame, but the pain starts for me almost to the end of my first lap. Sometimes it hurts so much that I can't even finish one lap. So I sat down for a little while (don't know how long) but my friend Melissa was inspiration for me as I watched her on her in-line skates going around like a pro. I got up and went out again. The pain came much quicker that time. I caught up to Melissa and went around once, but my feet hurt so bad that I actually had to take my skates off. I was almost in tears and felt like my feet were about to explode through my skates. It didn't cross my mind to put the skates away though. I waited for my feet to stop throbbing and I put the skates back on and took the floor again, also with Eloise who came =]. Didn't make it far again, but I learned a new thing....I fall more the harder I try. When the pain gets to a certain point, it's like my feet quit and cause me to fall. It's this weird twitch thing that happens, I dunno. I just know that I hit that point and it was the first time I fell. Someone tried to help me, but I got up and then went to put my knee pads on.
Knee pads helped. Once I fell that first time, my feet seemed to have a mind of their own and thought, oh this works, if we cause her to fall, she stops skating for a little while. It didn't stay that way. I didn't walk off every time I fell. I got up and kept going, but then I did this crazy fall where my feet went up, I landed on my shoulder and then the rest of me followed suit. I heard things pop that I've never had pop before. It hurt like hell at first and then it was ok. My feet did that throbbing thing where my skates had to be taken off, but I walked off a little dizzily and sat down for a bit longer than normal. Once the dizziness was gone and my feet stopped throbbing, I got up and went again. Did a lap and had to sit down, but at least I didn't fall. I remember talking to Eloise about how frustrating it was how I had to do this, but she was really uplifting to me and I really appreciate her encouragement. I just kept thinking about how much I wanted to be like Eloise or Melissa and skate numerous times around the floor with seemingly little trouble, but instead I could barely make it one time around without crying.
I had a new vigor. I got up and went around again, I skated longer than I should have, but I tried turning without lifting my feet and I practiced picking up speed without falling...I was in a ton of pain, but it was worth it for that slightly extended time around the track. Eventually I stopped, not having been out as long as I would have liked, but I had to take my skates off and sit down for a while again I was in excruciating . One last time I tried to go out again, I regretted it almost as soon as I got out, but I tried to persevere. It hurt so bad, and I felt so defeated. I got off the floor and that was the last time I went out for the day. I let Melissa take my skates out for a spin and she rocked it. At one point I was in tears out of frustration...why did the one sport I actually enjoy be the one that hurt me the most. I wanted to skate so bad, I wanted to be out there doing immaculate crossovers and weaving around the slow people, but instead I could barely stay on my skates more than 5 minutes and be in hellish pain the rest of the time.
I felt really defeated and I left Oaks Park fighting tears. I don't know where to go from here. I want to keep trying, but I losing my optimism. I want to skate, it makes me happy, but I don't want to permanently injure myself either...what do I do? =[
**Angell Job Corps Reunion: This was kind of lame. I got to see Heather which was awesome, but it wasn't planned well at all and hardly anyone showed up. I left early and it sucked. I do want to have a reunion with the people I knew though, I kinda miss them =]
**Game Night: This started late and we only got to play one game, but the time itself was amazing. We played Puzzle Strike (we being me, Melissa, Mariona, and her boyfriend Dustin.) I loved this game and I totally won my first time playing =] To top the whole night off, Dustin and Mariona have friends that have board gaming nights every week. I am so stoked to get to star playing games regularly. =]
All in all, my day was Epic. I am in love with my new place, it's location, and the possibilities it brings. Here's to new endeavors! =] Sara gets home on Tuesday and she gets to come home with me and stay =] I'm happy.
To part: here are a few pictures from Oaks Park:
very blurry, but here is me skating
us girls =] Melissa, Eloise, and I =]
Me with my skates on =]
Mine and Eloise's skates
My newest recruit into the world of Derby, watch out, she might be coming =] (she is using my skates =])
**New Apartment: last night was the first night staying in my new apartment. It was pretty nice. I had no covers and shorts on yet never felt the need to use heat. I can definitely get used to this. I keep finding things that make my apartment cooler than other apartments I've had (examples: walk-in coat closet, tons of kitchen space, and a dimmer for the lights in the living room) The things I don't like are things outside my apartment. Living in low income housing I have a wide range of people living here...none of them seem to care about taking care of their "home" or maybe they don't think it is their "home" once they pass the threshold of their apartment. People leave their trash everywhere, and some person dropped a glass bottle of maple syrup in the middle of a walkway, did not pick it up(even the shards of glass) and the rest of the tenants just tracked the syrup all around it (glad I live upstairs because I don't want to deal with the and infestation to follow that). I may not like that, but I can handle it. I'll take care of the area around the outside of my own apartment, but it is just one of those things I don't like. The other thing is I learned that I won't be getting a night job, lol. I tried to take a nap today but the kids outside are so loud, and since they speak some foreign language I don't know of and very loudly, it just sounds like screams of gibberish and hard to tune out. Neither of those two things are enough to make me dislike my apartment, just things I could live without. =]
**Roller Derby: I don't know what to think about derby right now. I know it makes me happy, and lately there aren't a lot of things that make me really truly happy, so this is pretty big. (I get excited about various things but only certain things make me really truly happy.) First off, since I live in Beaverton now, I'll probably be switching leagues =[ I don't make enough money to drive back and forth. The other thing is, I am slightly discouraged anyway. I had a dream recently, though...one where I went to Oaks Park and skated but it didn't hurt at all. I became determined to see if this dream would come true. Soooo.....I went to Oaks Park to skate today. My dr told me to take it easy, even if all I can do is skate for five minutes, sit for 20 and do it again. He wasn't optimistic at all that I'd be able to skate ever. I am stubborn and want to skate, so I'm trying every avenue. Sooo...Oaks Park...I'm going to be really detailed here. I laced up my skates and took off on the floor. To be standing on those 8 wheels and moving around in an oval path made me so happy. I was all smiles as I went around my first two laps, but the smile was harder to keep as the pain kept creeping.
I tried to push through the pain and keep going, but I didn't want to push too far to start so after the 4th lap I sat down. I know that sounds lame, but the pain starts for me almost to the end of my first lap. Sometimes it hurts so much that I can't even finish one lap. So I sat down for a little while (don't know how long) but my friend Melissa was inspiration for me as I watched her on her in-line skates going around like a pro. I got up and went out again. The pain came much quicker that time. I caught up to Melissa and went around once, but my feet hurt so bad that I actually had to take my skates off. I was almost in tears and felt like my feet were about to explode through my skates. It didn't cross my mind to put the skates away though. I waited for my feet to stop throbbing and I put the skates back on and took the floor again, also with Eloise who came =]. Didn't make it far again, but I learned a new thing....I fall more the harder I try. When the pain gets to a certain point, it's like my feet quit and cause me to fall. It's this weird twitch thing that happens, I dunno. I just know that I hit that point and it was the first time I fell. Someone tried to help me, but I got up and then went to put my knee pads on.
Knee pads helped. Once I fell that first time, my feet seemed to have a mind of their own and thought, oh this works, if we cause her to fall, she stops skating for a little while. It didn't stay that way. I didn't walk off every time I fell. I got up and kept going, but then I did this crazy fall where my feet went up, I landed on my shoulder and then the rest of me followed suit. I heard things pop that I've never had pop before. It hurt like hell at first and then it was ok. My feet did that throbbing thing where my skates had to be taken off, but I walked off a little dizzily and sat down for a bit longer than normal. Once the dizziness was gone and my feet stopped throbbing, I got up and went again. Did a lap and had to sit down, but at least I didn't fall. I remember talking to Eloise about how frustrating it was how I had to do this, but she was really uplifting to me and I really appreciate her encouragement. I just kept thinking about how much I wanted to be like Eloise or Melissa and skate numerous times around the floor with seemingly little trouble, but instead I could barely make it one time around without crying.
I had a new vigor. I got up and went around again, I skated longer than I should have, but I tried turning without lifting my feet and I practiced picking up speed without falling...I was in a ton of pain, but it was worth it for that slightly extended time around the track. Eventually I stopped, not having been out as long as I would have liked, but I had to take my skates off and sit down for a while again I was in excruciating . One last time I tried to go out again, I regretted it almost as soon as I got out, but I tried to persevere. It hurt so bad, and I felt so defeated. I got off the floor and that was the last time I went out for the day. I let Melissa take my skates out for a spin and she rocked it. At one point I was in tears out of frustration...why did the one sport I actually enjoy be the one that hurt me the most. I wanted to skate so bad, I wanted to be out there doing immaculate crossovers and weaving around the slow people, but instead I could barely stay on my skates more than 5 minutes and be in hellish pain the rest of the time.
I felt really defeated and I left Oaks Park fighting tears. I don't know where to go from here. I want to keep trying, but I losing my optimism. I want to skate, it makes me happy, but I don't want to permanently injure myself either...what do I do? =[
**Angell Job Corps Reunion: This was kind of lame. I got to see Heather which was awesome, but it wasn't planned well at all and hardly anyone showed up. I left early and it sucked. I do want to have a reunion with the people I knew though, I kinda miss them =]
**Game Night: This started late and we only got to play one game, but the time itself was amazing. We played Puzzle Strike (we being me, Melissa, Mariona, and her boyfriend Dustin.) I loved this game and I totally won my first time playing =] To top the whole night off, Dustin and Mariona have friends that have board gaming nights every week. I am so stoked to get to star playing games regularly. =]
All in all, my day was Epic. I am in love with my new place, it's location, and the possibilities it brings. Here's to new endeavors! =] Sara gets home on Tuesday and she gets to come home with me and stay =] I'm happy.
To part: here are a few pictures from Oaks Park:
very blurry, but here is me skating
us girls =] Melissa, Eloise, and I =]
Me with my skates on =]
Mine and Eloise's skates
My newest recruit into the world of Derby, watch out, she might be coming =] (she is using my skates =])
Friday, May 20, 2011
New Apartment
So as I've been surrounded by boxes, packing, and generally picking up my life to move to a new city, I've been forced to go through my stuff and figure out what gets tossed out, left behind, sold, given away. It is a draining process, yet so cleansing. In the moving process there is always one aspect that doesn't get sorted until you unpack it, for me this time it is my life that I'm sorting. I've moved so much that going through my belongings was easy. I've got it honed down to things I am going to keep and what I'm going to leave behind. My life is a different story.
I feel like I've matured so much over the last couple of months. On my birthday I was thinking about how I still didn't feel like I was getting older...I felt like I was still in the same place I was when I was 18 and it had been 5 years. What happened to my 5-year plan? Yeah, that didn't happen. It doesn't make me sad or upset though, I just got more motivated to change it. Now that I'm in a new city, a new place, I have a fresh start and I can do this right.
I'm taking summer off from school to get settled in my new place, find a job and just try to do some stuff for me and work on bettering myself. Here is a list of goals I laid out for myself a few weeks ago, and I may add to it now =]
- Move to Beaverton (done)
- Get license (done)
- Get back on my skates and go to Oaks Park (doing this tomorrow)
- Spend time with my grandma, aunts, and cousin
- Do weight watchers and stick to it
- Start working out (start small, work up)
- Get unpacked before Memorial Day (working on this)
- Work on setting up a routine at home to make my life easier
- Incorporate something active in my morning routine
- Buy a planner that I'll use
- Apply for 3 jobs a day (so far so good)
- Apply for food stamps when Sara gets back from her trip
That was my list, and I could put more on it, but I decided not to. Something else I've been doing, though not on a list, is cleaning my life of unnecessary activities or people. I'm trying to be a better person, and an even better Christian. It took me forever to quit smoking, but I did it and it has been wonderful. I want that cleansing feeling with the rest of my life. I want to be free to be me. I don't need people tearing me down, manipulating me, using me, or being fake with me. I feel like I've been doing well in this endeavor.
It's not like I'm going through a list and saying "keep" or "toss" to my friends, but eventually my friends show their true colors. To me a friendship isn't determined by how much I see the person or talk to the person, but it is determined by how our relationship is when we do see each other and how our friendship is when we don't see each other. I don't need people nagging me about how little I call them or how little I see them. It is about to get a whole lot worse, and I'll see who sticks around.
ok, I have to go, but here is a look at my room before I unpack =]
I feel like I've matured so much over the last couple of months. On my birthday I was thinking about how I still didn't feel like I was getting older...I felt like I was still in the same place I was when I was 18 and it had been 5 years. What happened to my 5-year plan? Yeah, that didn't happen. It doesn't make me sad or upset though, I just got more motivated to change it. Now that I'm in a new city, a new place, I have a fresh start and I can do this right.
I'm taking summer off from school to get settled in my new place, find a job and just try to do some stuff for me and work on bettering myself. Here is a list of goals I laid out for myself a few weeks ago, and I may add to it now =]
- Move to Beaverton (done)
- Get license (done)
- Get back on my skates and go to Oaks Park (doing this tomorrow)
- Spend time with my grandma, aunts, and cousin
- Do weight watchers and stick to it
- Start working out (start small, work up)
- Get unpacked before Memorial Day (working on this)
- Work on setting up a routine at home to make my life easier
- Incorporate something active in my morning routine
- Buy a planner that I'll use
- Apply for 3 jobs a day (so far so good)
- Apply for food stamps when Sara gets back from her trip
That was my list, and I could put more on it, but I decided not to. Something else I've been doing, though not on a list, is cleaning my life of unnecessary activities or people. I'm trying to be a better person, and an even better Christian. It took me forever to quit smoking, but I did it and it has been wonderful. I want that cleansing feeling with the rest of my life. I want to be free to be me. I don't need people tearing me down, manipulating me, using me, or being fake with me. I feel like I've been doing well in this endeavor.
It's not like I'm going through a list and saying "keep" or "toss" to my friends, but eventually my friends show their true colors. To me a friendship isn't determined by how much I see the person or talk to the person, but it is determined by how our relationship is when we do see each other and how our friendship is when we don't see each other. I don't need people nagging me about how little I call them or how little I see them. It is about to get a whole lot worse, and I'll see who sticks around.
ok, I have to go, but here is a look at my room before I unpack =]
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