Friday, August 26, 2011
Passion
I'm feeling passion towards something again, this is good. I feel like I can do something and I don't feel the doubt I normally feel. I feel fierce!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Brain Vomit
Okay, my brain is going to throw up all over this, and if there are repeats from the past, so be it.
This last week was a zombie week. I was too nice and gave rides to my coworkers. one was ok, the other was just too far. I am no longer giving him rides for the sake of my own sanity. My apartment got messier than I've ever had it before and I disgusted myself. I'm surprised Sara didn't get angry at me, I would have. It is all clean now, at least the kitchen anyway. My goal this week is to move all of my books to the bookshelves so I can finally use my dresser for clothes like it is intended for.
Work. Work is its own entity. I do like my job a lot, it has it's ups and downs, but all in all I do really like my job. I have awesome coworkers and they have been easy to jump in and be friends with. I care a lot less about what people think of me, and if they aren't open and honest with me, they have no reason to be upset. I don't go out and upset people, but if I am unintentionally doing something that annoys someone, thay can't be upset if they never tell me it annoys them, so I'm going to keep on keepin on.
I really want to go on a drive. Just get in a car and go. No destination and no plan, just GO. Make decisions as I get there and see where the road takes me. I might get to go with Matt because he has this whole week off, but I don't want to monopolize his whole week. lol. I think we've already planned a gaming day and a mini golf day. a Dr Who marathon was mentioned but who knows hahaha.....this is kinda finny now. Either way, I want to go on a drive, I want a partner in crime who can also contribute for gas. lol. <3
On to other things.....I am so happy lately. Happy and growing. I love my life currently and I don't see it changing for the worse. This is new for me and I hope this change lasts. I like smiling and that muscle is hurting less because I'm doing it more. I couldn't have imagined myself in a better place.
To all of you who have helped me get to this point, to those who have helped save my life in the most literal sense, to those who have been there for me when I was going through the hardest times, I thank you. To those who have been there and helped without knowing, to those who can make me laugh with a poke, to those who give hugs that make me cry, I thank you as well. I have had so many people support me through my life. Some people I've had to cut out because they can't stop seeing me as the homeless girl or the girl who is always in need. To those that have allowed their view of me to grow as I have grown, to those who help me find the laughter in my stress, and most of all, to those who helped me up when I fell down...To all of these people, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you.
For my post about today, today was AMAZING. Yesterday was just as AMAZING. Yesterday I felt bad that I woke up late, but the beach was amazing. No sun-burn this time either. Went into the ocean until waves toppled me over, freezing but fun! Played board games and I almost beat Aaron. It was also fun to see Jem do poorly because he is usually more skillful than I am. Playing resistance while driving is fun, yet I was at a disadvantage. Then I went shopping with Mariona and Sabrina, finally got to spend money on me and get clothes that I like. I bought a dress too.
More on today, I wore the dress I bought yesterday, I worked in the doughnut hole with Matt and it was fun. Then we went to the picnic, I threw a football with a group from our young adult study, and then went on swings with matt. Sat in the shade/sun and watched volleyball. It was relaxing. My whole weekend has been uber relaxing. To top it all off, came home, cleaned, had Matt, Adam, and Dan over to play games and have dinner. We made them enchiladas and salad. Found out some very interesting facts about the three of them, it was just fun altogether.
Now to end the post with pictures:
me in the dress I got =]
Matt, Sara and I at the church picnic.
This last week was a zombie week. I was too nice and gave rides to my coworkers. one was ok, the other was just too far. I am no longer giving him rides for the sake of my own sanity. My apartment got messier than I've ever had it before and I disgusted myself. I'm surprised Sara didn't get angry at me, I would have. It is all clean now, at least the kitchen anyway. My goal this week is to move all of my books to the bookshelves so I can finally use my dresser for clothes like it is intended for.
Work. Work is its own entity. I do like my job a lot, it has it's ups and downs, but all in all I do really like my job. I have awesome coworkers and they have been easy to jump in and be friends with. I care a lot less about what people think of me, and if they aren't open and honest with me, they have no reason to be upset. I don't go out and upset people, but if I am unintentionally doing something that annoys someone, thay can't be upset if they never tell me it annoys them, so I'm going to keep on keepin on.
I really want to go on a drive. Just get in a car and go. No destination and no plan, just GO. Make decisions as I get there and see where the road takes me. I might get to go with Matt because he has this whole week off, but I don't want to monopolize his whole week. lol. I think we've already planned a gaming day and a mini golf day. a Dr Who marathon was mentioned but who knows hahaha.....this is kinda finny now. Either way, I want to go on a drive, I want a partner in crime who can also contribute for gas. lol. <3
On to other things.....I am so happy lately. Happy and growing. I love my life currently and I don't see it changing for the worse. This is new for me and I hope this change lasts. I like smiling and that muscle is hurting less because I'm doing it more. I couldn't have imagined myself in a better place.
To all of you who have helped me get to this point, to those who have helped save my life in the most literal sense, to those who have been there for me when I was going through the hardest times, I thank you. To those who have been there and helped without knowing, to those who can make me laugh with a poke, to those who give hugs that make me cry, I thank you as well. I have had so many people support me through my life. Some people I've had to cut out because they can't stop seeing me as the homeless girl or the girl who is always in need. To those that have allowed their view of me to grow as I have grown, to those who help me find the laughter in my stress, and most of all, to those who helped me up when I fell down...To all of these people, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you.
For my post about today, today was AMAZING. Yesterday was just as AMAZING. Yesterday I felt bad that I woke up late, but the beach was amazing. No sun-burn this time either. Went into the ocean until waves toppled me over, freezing but fun! Played board games and I almost beat Aaron. It was also fun to see Jem do poorly because he is usually more skillful than I am. Playing resistance while driving is fun, yet I was at a disadvantage. Then I went shopping with Mariona and Sabrina, finally got to spend money on me and get clothes that I like. I bought a dress too.
More on today, I wore the dress I bought yesterday, I worked in the doughnut hole with Matt and it was fun. Then we went to the picnic, I threw a football with a group from our young adult study, and then went on swings with matt. Sat in the shade/sun and watched volleyball. It was relaxing. My whole weekend has been uber relaxing. To top it all off, came home, cleaned, had Matt, Adam, and Dan over to play games and have dinner. We made them enchiladas and salad. Found out some very interesting facts about the three of them, it was just fun altogether.
Now to end the post with pictures:
me in the dress I got =]
Matt, Sara and I at the church picnic.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Up Up and Away
The title says it all. My life just keeps moving up. Day by day I am so much more thankful that I moved away from Salem. I still miss people, and I will still go down, but I don't think it was ever really home to me. I went back there and thought about it and realized that I didn't feel homesick when I was there. Beaverton feels more like home and I haven't even been here that long.
I am also happier with the people I've met up here. I know I've mentioned the gaming group, but I just can't believe that I met such an amazing group of people the same week I moved up here. It has shaped my life up here dramatically and started the upward spiral of happiness in my life. Also, I am grateful that Pastor Michael suggested churches that we should try and the first one we tried is Epic and I am glad we started there. Though Sara and my schedule don't mesh well together, they will hopefully allow us to go to church together soon. This sunday I work in the Doughnut hole with Matt. We pass out doughnuts to the congregation. I am excited. I am hoping to meet a bunch of new people even if I don't remember them all, I think doing the Doughnut hole will help get me to be more outgoing at the church. It is also a way for me to serve the church while I'm waiting for my 6 month mark so I can do children's ministry and then hopefully jr high youthgroup.
more to be posted, but I've gotta run. this is a teaser =]
and a picture to leave it off. beach trip with a bunch of my new friends and one old great friend =]
I am also happier with the people I've met up here. I know I've mentioned the gaming group, but I just can't believe that I met such an amazing group of people the same week I moved up here. It has shaped my life up here dramatically and started the upward spiral of happiness in my life. Also, I am grateful that Pastor Michael suggested churches that we should try and the first one we tried is Epic and I am glad we started there. Though Sara and my schedule don't mesh well together, they will hopefully allow us to go to church together soon. This sunday I work in the Doughnut hole with Matt. We pass out doughnuts to the congregation. I am excited. I am hoping to meet a bunch of new people even if I don't remember them all, I think doing the Doughnut hole will help get me to be more outgoing at the church. It is also a way for me to serve the church while I'm waiting for my 6 month mark so I can do children's ministry and then hopefully jr high youthgroup.
more to be posted, but I've gotta run. this is a teaser =]
and a picture to leave it off. beach trip with a bunch of my new friends and one old great friend =]
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Here, there and everywhere
Ok, so I'm loooooong overdue for one of these. I'm kind of rushed so I'll try and fit as much as I can and then do another one later this week.
Sooo, I'm halfway through the 4th week at my new job. I love it. Training has been a brain melting experience, but I am much more confident in my ability to do my job. I've met some pretty cool people at work and I think it will be a pleasant experience. I do tech support and it is a call center, some may find that a bad idea for me, but I think I'll love it =]. I don't know what else to say here, but yay. =]
School is on hold for various reasons. 1)I owe PSU money, will hopefully pay it back in time for Fall term., 2) possible bereavement, 3) in the process of reinventing myself.
On the reinventing...I keep feeling like changing the direction of my life. There are many things I like to do and I'm slowly realizing that maybe Social Work isn't my niche. I don't know what my niche is, but I've been keeping my mind open about it. Every time I get interested in something I look at it from a career perspective and see what I think about it. There are some real prospects. Photography, Writing, Teaching, Automotive, Cooking/catering, Regardless, I am thinking of changing and getting a business management degree of sorts because all of these bases could be covered by that. We will see how it goes, but I just feel like my life needs a refresh button. This move has been really good for more reasons than those that I stated before. I have a chance to think about my life without the constant push of other people. I love opinions and advice, but not people telling me what I need to do instead. I know all the steps for each of these paths, it's just a matter of which one I take.
Okay, the subject of guys has not been brought up in a while on here. I'm realizing a lot of things about this department as well. First, that people seem to think they know when I like someone, but are almost always mistaken. I feel like it is common nature to notice guys and think about a relationship without even meaning to, and I think it is ok to say "I wouldn't say no if he asked me, but I'm not pursuing anything there." There is currently one guy that I am interested in. I feel like I should be vague in case he reads this....lol...beats me. He is a little less than a year older than me, he is sweet, smart, funny, responsible, caring, and active in church and ministry. I haven't known him long, so I don't know what to do in this situation...I swore I'd never ask a guy out again, it never works out for me, but if he is interested in me, I'd hope he could ask me out, lol. I like the whole courtship thing, hanging out a lot in group, public, casual settings. That is how we have hung out so far, so I feel like I am able to get to know him with no pressure, and he has no idea(I think) so I dunno. Sheesh, I don't think I've said "I like this person" in a long time, much less this soon after knowing the person. I've just been praying about it and seeing what comes about.
Sara and I have found a church, I think we are both happy with this church. I know I am. I like the sermons and the ministries that they do. I talked to the jr. high pastor today to see about being a leader, but I have to have been going there for 6 months and he wants me to help out in children's ministry for a while first. I'm ok with that, I like Children's ministry. =].
On the topic of getting me out there...I really like how easy it seems to be for me to get out and live. I really have the best counselor in the whole world. With her help I have been able to change a lot of things in my life for the better. I used to hide out a lot, be paranoid about everything, and was anxious around people. Now I just seem to jump in more, I am acting a lot like I was acting before I started caring so much about what people thought about me. I think I'm starting to feel happy, and I'm not fighting the feeling anymore. It's not seeming so foreign, and I finally feel like I deserve it.
sorry about all the random jumps, I want to spill my brain out. hope you understood it all.
Oh, a couple more things. Sara and I have been hosting a chinese exchange student, Anice, and she is amazing. She is so adorable and I'm glad we did it. I've been a zombie or busy for most of it, and I hate that, but I still love it.
here are some pictures =]
this is from day 1.
this was on Sunday earlier this week....and I was sunburned from the day before. Gotta love it. lol
above:sara, me, and Anice at the Washington County Fair; Below: Anice, me, and Matt, same fair.
I look like a fat cow, but here is me with Anice and our kitty Snowflake.
Matt and Anice rode the ring of fire. they are the two in the front in this picture.
Sooo, I'm halfway through the 4th week at my new job. I love it. Training has been a brain melting experience, but I am much more confident in my ability to do my job. I've met some pretty cool people at work and I think it will be a pleasant experience. I do tech support and it is a call center, some may find that a bad idea for me, but I think I'll love it =]. I don't know what else to say here, but yay. =]
School is on hold for various reasons. 1)I owe PSU money, will hopefully pay it back in time for Fall term., 2) possible bereavement, 3) in the process of reinventing myself.
On the reinventing...I keep feeling like changing the direction of my life. There are many things I like to do and I'm slowly realizing that maybe Social Work isn't my niche. I don't know what my niche is, but I've been keeping my mind open about it. Every time I get interested in something I look at it from a career perspective and see what I think about it. There are some real prospects. Photography, Writing, Teaching, Automotive, Cooking/catering, Regardless, I am thinking of changing and getting a business management degree of sorts because all of these bases could be covered by that. We will see how it goes, but I just feel like my life needs a refresh button. This move has been really good for more reasons than those that I stated before. I have a chance to think about my life without the constant push of other people. I love opinions and advice, but not people telling me what I need to do instead. I know all the steps for each of these paths, it's just a matter of which one I take.
Okay, the subject of guys has not been brought up in a while on here. I'm realizing a lot of things about this department as well. First, that people seem to think they know when I like someone, but are almost always mistaken. I feel like it is common nature to notice guys and think about a relationship without even meaning to, and I think it is ok to say "I wouldn't say no if he asked me, but I'm not pursuing anything there." There is currently one guy that I am interested in. I feel like I should be vague in case he reads this....lol...beats me. He is a little less than a year older than me, he is sweet, smart, funny, responsible, caring, and active in church and ministry. I haven't known him long, so I don't know what to do in this situation...I swore I'd never ask a guy out again, it never works out for me, but if he is interested in me, I'd hope he could ask me out, lol. I like the whole courtship thing, hanging out a lot in group, public, casual settings. That is how we have hung out so far, so I feel like I am able to get to know him with no pressure, and he has no idea(I think) so I dunno. Sheesh, I don't think I've said "I like this person" in a long time, much less this soon after knowing the person. I've just been praying about it and seeing what comes about.
Sara and I have found a church, I think we are both happy with this church. I know I am. I like the sermons and the ministries that they do. I talked to the jr. high pastor today to see about being a leader, but I have to have been going there for 6 months and he wants me to help out in children's ministry for a while first. I'm ok with that, I like Children's ministry. =].
On the topic of getting me out there...I really like how easy it seems to be for me to get out and live. I really have the best counselor in the whole world. With her help I have been able to change a lot of things in my life for the better. I used to hide out a lot, be paranoid about everything, and was anxious around people. Now I just seem to jump in more, I am acting a lot like I was acting before I started caring so much about what people thought about me. I think I'm starting to feel happy, and I'm not fighting the feeling anymore. It's not seeming so foreign, and I finally feel like I deserve it.
sorry about all the random jumps, I want to spill my brain out. hope you understood it all.
Oh, a couple more things. Sara and I have been hosting a chinese exchange student, Anice, and she is amazing. She is so adorable and I'm glad we did it. I've been a zombie or busy for most of it, and I hate that, but I still love it.
here are some pictures =]
this is from day 1.
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