Today has been so uplifting and just plain amazing. I may have woken up late, but so many good things happened at work. I got great customer surveys, and for things that most people get bad scores for. I got another great call coaching, I had fun with my coworkers...it was just a wonderful day at work.
To top it off, played some rock band, pwned at some D&D, and got a bunch of productive stuff done. I am so happy with today.
I've also been thinking a lot about all my talk about hugs. I really do have some great friends who give great hugs. I think the best hugs from any of my friends is a tie between Bethany and Jem. I can't break the tie because they each have their own reasons for being awesome. I miss seeing Bethany more, but I love the blips of time I get to see her when I pop down to Salem. Jem is a great listener, if I annoy the snot out of him, he doesn't show it so I don't think I do =] and he gives awesome hugs to boot. You both rock my socks.
In other news, money is tight, but I'm working things out. I love all the contact I'm having with the family that is talking to me right now, and I can't wait for it to continue. More drama about family, but I try not to make that too public.
I need to make this short, I REALLY have to sleep. I just needed to *squee* about my day =]
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Stuff of Olde
When I was 20 I was asked to write about where I wanted to be in ten years. I found that sheet of paper. I remember writing it and it encouraged me, thought I'd share =] It won't look as cool because I can't edit it the same in here, but the words are what matter. I wrote it in blurbs as if I was in that time =]
The year is 2018.
Samantha Evelyn Feldman
Celebrate the big three-OH!
I am unique...trul unique.
I'm free, I'm playful, I'm confident.
I'm just happy being me.
No longer hiding behind the illusions thread by little twists of reality.
Through an internal transformation I am becoming a better woman in every way.
Exploring the great relationships I come upon in life.
Married with a kid and happier than ever.
A sweet, sexy, funny, curious, and creative mother.
Gotta have my reading room.
Books made a difference in my life.
Life is a river of words that I float along.
The world is a mirror that shows beauty and change.
Knowledge is power.
It is good to be grown up.
I'm still learning as life throws its punches.
Sometimes it takes more than the moon and the starts.
The mind is truly magical, a surprise inside every one.
Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression.
I am the author and publisher of my own success story.
Committed to forgiving the people of my past in heart and mind.
God is the center and saving me from my mistkes, giving me a fresh start.
I have overcome my asthma, depression and the barriers associated with my ADHD and Anxiety.
It's O.K. to want in life.
A lifetime of learning leading to my success in Psychology.
Meetings, deadlines, and projects are a big part of it all.
Helping children with difficulties.
Giving a child something to swing besides his fist.
Striving to teach, laugh, and be there for whoever needs me.
Take a moment because every moment is a place I've never been.
Become part of a family.
A fresh new start.
Samantha Evelyn Feldman
Forever young.
Hope you enjoyed =]
Samantha Evelyn Feldman
Celebrate the big three-OH!
I am unique...trul unique.
I'm free, I'm playful, I'm confident.
I'm just happy being me.
No longer hiding behind the illusions thread by little twists of reality.
Through an internal transformation I am becoming a better woman in every way.
Exploring the great relationships I come upon in life.
Married with a kid and happier than ever.
A sweet, sexy, funny, curious, and creative mother.
Gotta have my reading room.
Books made a difference in my life.
Life is a river of words that I float along.
The world is a mirror that shows beauty and change.
Knowledge is power.
It is good to be grown up.
I'm still learning as life throws its punches.
Sometimes it takes more than the moon and the starts.
The mind is truly magical, a surprise inside every one.
Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression.
I am the author and publisher of my own success story.
Committed to forgiving the people of my past in heart and mind.
God is the center and saving me from my mistkes, giving me a fresh start.
I have overcome my asthma, depression and the barriers associated with my ADHD and Anxiety.
It's O.K. to want in life.
A lifetime of learning leading to my success in Psychology.
Meetings, deadlines, and projects are a big part of it all.
Helping children with difficulties.
Giving a child something to swing besides his fist.
Striving to teach, laugh, and be there for whoever needs me.
Take a moment because every moment is a place I've never been.
Become part of a family.
A fresh new start.
Samantha Evelyn Feldman
Forever young.
Hope you enjoyed =]
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Goals
OK! I am going to post this semi-short post about my current goals. Since I'm taking some time off of school to re-direct my life, I want to set some goals to accomplish.
-Look into getting a DSLR.
-Cook 1 new meal a week. Something new that I find in a recipe book or I create. Journal about it.
-post here at least once a week, once a day if I can.
-Check out majors and make sure I am doing what I want to do before I go back
-DO A PRO/CON LIST for majors
-Meet with an advisor
-edit resume again
more to be added, all I can think of off the top of my head.
-Look into getting a DSLR.
-Cook 1 new meal a week. Something new that I find in a recipe book or I create. Journal about it.
-post here at least once a week, once a day if I can.
-Check out majors and make sure I am doing what I want to do before I go back
-DO A PRO/CON LIST for majors
-Meet with an advisor
-edit resume again
more to be added, all I can think of off the top of my head.
Mile-An-Hour Mind
Lots of fun stuff to update on. Well, sort of.
I'll start with work. I'm trying not to freak out about my job. I don't think I will get fired, but I am on a performance plan which means my stats aren't up to par and they want to put me through a specialized training to help me improve. They will listen to three extra calls of mine a week, I have to have someone sit with me and listen to my calls and I listen to them do some calls. It is a program for 7 weeks and if I don't improve, I could be fired. My manager assured me that he thinks that I will be just fine, I just wish my anxiety would allow me to believe that. My anxiety is running like an elephant in my brain and it sucks. What is good for me is that I keep getting call coachings (where they listen to your call and grade you on it) and I get raving reviews. There is only one I have not passed and it was kind of a fluke, but I have gotten 100% on most of the rest, others I will get 89% or 95% which is still awesome. It is just that I'm not getting the customer surveys coming in. It is so frustrating. I'm really trying to be ok with it. When I talk out loud about it I try to be all ok with it but I'm freaking out on the inside. We will see how this goes. I really love my manager, he has my back and I am putting my trust in him on this.
With living in Beaverton it has been hard to keep as strong of contact with people from Salem. Some people put as much effort as I do so it is easy, but others expect me to do all the work. I have been really good about standing my ground on this. I am not letting people abuse my friendship. I really believe that if I am driving 45 miles from Beaverton to Salem and their house is out of my way, I can fully expect them to find a way to come 3 miles to meet me downtown. I am holding true to this, so this is the first time I am not ranting about this. I like it. When people complain they can't argue with my logic. I drove 45 miles and they can't come to see me? yeah they have no rebuttal. lol.
My anxiety is getting manageable. My worst anxiety is geared toward failure so the stuff at work was affecting me pretty bad. Finally I got the courage to talk to my manager about it and he was so awesome. He was glad I talked to him about it because I guess someone else was going through the same thing but instead of talking about it the guy just got so stressed he walked out and left his job. I won't do that, and my manager is up front and honest with me instead of babying me after finding out about my anxiety. It is a great help to me.
Another thing, I love that I am pretty much the counselor to all my friends without being a counselor hahaha. The only thing is at work it makes it kind of difficult. I'm generally seen as a leader in my training group so people come to me to ask for advice but don't want to talk to higher ups when I don't feel comfortable about it because I can't do anything about it, only listen and give advice. Sometimes it involves sensetive HR reportable information and I don't want it to affect my job performance...I also don't want to bail on the people who talk to me. blah. lol. Why do I have to be so dang nice sometimes. =] My manager is giving me advice on that so he is just an all around helper =]
One thing I miss a lot lately is TV. I miss being able to veg on the couch sometimes and watch TV. Hulu is a great help with that, but now TV channels aren't allowing their shows to come online for a week and it sucks when everything is ruined for me before I watch it.
I'm typing this at work....and my mind is just not here today. Too tired. I'll end this here and call it. lol.
I'll start with work. I'm trying not to freak out about my job. I don't think I will get fired, but I am on a performance plan which means my stats aren't up to par and they want to put me through a specialized training to help me improve. They will listen to three extra calls of mine a week, I have to have someone sit with me and listen to my calls and I listen to them do some calls. It is a program for 7 weeks and if I don't improve, I could be fired. My manager assured me that he thinks that I will be just fine, I just wish my anxiety would allow me to believe that. My anxiety is running like an elephant in my brain and it sucks. What is good for me is that I keep getting call coachings (where they listen to your call and grade you on it) and I get raving reviews. There is only one I have not passed and it was kind of a fluke, but I have gotten 100% on most of the rest, others I will get 89% or 95% which is still awesome. It is just that I'm not getting the customer surveys coming in. It is so frustrating. I'm really trying to be ok with it. When I talk out loud about it I try to be all ok with it but I'm freaking out on the inside. We will see how this goes. I really love my manager, he has my back and I am putting my trust in him on this.
With living in Beaverton it has been hard to keep as strong of contact with people from Salem. Some people put as much effort as I do so it is easy, but others expect me to do all the work. I have been really good about standing my ground on this. I am not letting people abuse my friendship. I really believe that if I am driving 45 miles from Beaverton to Salem and their house is out of my way, I can fully expect them to find a way to come 3 miles to meet me downtown. I am holding true to this, so this is the first time I am not ranting about this. I like it. When people complain they can't argue with my logic. I drove 45 miles and they can't come to see me? yeah they have no rebuttal. lol.
My anxiety is getting manageable. My worst anxiety is geared toward failure so the stuff at work was affecting me pretty bad. Finally I got the courage to talk to my manager about it and he was so awesome. He was glad I talked to him about it because I guess someone else was going through the same thing but instead of talking about it the guy just got so stressed he walked out and left his job. I won't do that, and my manager is up front and honest with me instead of babying me after finding out about my anxiety. It is a great help to me.
Another thing, I love that I am pretty much the counselor to all my friends without being a counselor hahaha. The only thing is at work it makes it kind of difficult. I'm generally seen as a leader in my training group so people come to me to ask for advice but don't want to talk to higher ups when I don't feel comfortable about it because I can't do anything about it, only listen and give advice. Sometimes it involves sensetive HR reportable information and I don't want it to affect my job performance...I also don't want to bail on the people who talk to me. blah. lol. Why do I have to be so dang nice sometimes. =] My manager is giving me advice on that so he is just an all around helper =]
One thing I miss a lot lately is TV. I miss being able to veg on the couch sometimes and watch TV. Hulu is a great help with that, but now TV channels aren't allowing their shows to come online for a week and it sucks when everything is ruined for me before I watch it.
I'm typing this at work....and my mind is just not here today. Too tired. I'll end this here and call it. lol.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Not Much to See Here
Ok, not much to post tonight..I think. lol.
Today at work was great on the call front...but I'm being put on an action plan. This is not good. I talked to my boss and he says I shouldn't freak out (easy for him to say) he just is really confident in my skills. Even he doesn't know why I'm not getting the stats in, because he listens to my calls and trusts my knowledge. We will see what happens but it is very nerve wracking for me.
After work I went to my first full counseling appointment in at least 3 months. Yes, I go to counseling, I think it is a good thing. I go for my anxiety, it really is a somewhat debilitating anxiety, I just don't show it a lot. I'm too prideful. It was a great talk with her and it makes me feel great about the choices I've made since the last time we talked. She is so supportive of me, it is nice.
ok, really not much else to say. To part, here is the before and after picture of my hair. I don't know why I look like I do in the before picture, but meh, it's ok. lol. It's just to give an idea of length =]
Today at work was great on the call front...but I'm being put on an action plan. This is not good. I talked to my boss and he says I shouldn't freak out (easy for him to say) he just is really confident in my skills. Even he doesn't know why I'm not getting the stats in, because he listens to my calls and trusts my knowledge. We will see what happens but it is very nerve wracking for me.
After work I went to my first full counseling appointment in at least 3 months. Yes, I go to counseling, I think it is a good thing. I go for my anxiety, it really is a somewhat debilitating anxiety, I just don't show it a lot. I'm too prideful. It was a great talk with her and it makes me feel great about the choices I've made since the last time we talked. She is so supportive of me, it is nice.
ok, really not much else to say. To part, here is the before and after picture of my hair. I don't know why I look like I do in the before picture, but meh, it's ok. lol. It's just to give an idea of length =]
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Sputterings and Splashes of Thoughts
(written over two days, forgive if thoughts drift in the middle. lol)
I think the amount of stress I had to deal with on Friday was too much. I slept in, but my mind was still exhausted. I don't like it when that happens. I woke up with a head ache, took some ibuprofen and then slept for a bit longer. When I have a day that emotional (ending in more emotion as I posted) it was just too much I guess. Also, going to bed with such deep emotions running through my head made me have weird dreams. So weird, that I won't repeat them here. The dreams just caught me by surprise. I don't know what to think about them. I never really know how to take my dreams or if I should take anything from them, but I do believe that something in dreams can mean something, it just depends on if you get the right message.
I hacked half my hair off. It was a really refreshing feeling. I don't fully understand why, but it just was. My hair is all even now, my highlights still remain a little at the bottom. I think I'll dye them purple. I don't know what else I was going to say here, oh well. =]
Today is Sunday and I have to say those thoughts of longing didn't bother me today. My attempts to suppress them again seem to be working. I know I'll still think them and feel them until that void is filled again, and that is alright, but they aren't at the forefront of my vision like they have been for the past few days.
I had a lot of fun today. Played Magic with Jem and rock band, then we went to Portland. Our plans were foiled in Portland, so we went to Rainy Day, played two board games and then the Magic the Gathering Pre-Release Sealed Tournament. I failed miserably, but it was fun nonetheless. I did win 1 match and I had a draw for one (meaning we didn't win or lose) and it was my first tournament since I was 14. It went well. I remembered exactly why I loved it for so long. This trend will continue. =]
It was really cool today, Jem and I had a pretty personal conversation, but I didn't feel nervous or anything. I helped me realize some things though. One thing that I didn't realize until now...I couldn't think of many reasons why I liked my ex for so long. It just points out to me how much I was blinded by the connection I felt that we had. We did have a lot in common and were able to be awkward and anti-social together, but I couldn't think of anything today that I would consider to be something worth the amount of time I spent in that relationship. He did give really good hugs and was good at being comforting, but I can have that in friends as well to a point (read last post again to understand that). I'll stop rambling about that, it was just nice to know I don't long after him anymore, that talking about him does not make me miss him anymore. I had never really noticed because nobody had asked about him for a loooooooong time, so I had no comparison.
Last but not least, my anxiety. It sometimes gets worse, with certain people I feel a lot less anxiety. For example, I am always anxious when it comes to annoying people. I always feel like people want me to shut up but won't say anything, or that people don't like my conversation topics and won't say anything. Stuff like that. That is a big generalization, but not enough time to clarify a ton right now. Other times, I worry that people are angry at me and don't say anything. I don't fully understand this...I'll give more info as I do. I do know it makes me more emotional at work because a lot of my anxiety is geared towards my quality of work.....and it is not good right now. =[ Well I think it is, but the numbers don't show it =[
Have fun all, hope you are enjoying these tidbits into my brain.
I think the amount of stress I had to deal with on Friday was too much. I slept in, but my mind was still exhausted. I don't like it when that happens. I woke up with a head ache, took some ibuprofen and then slept for a bit longer. When I have a day that emotional (ending in more emotion as I posted) it was just too much I guess. Also, going to bed with such deep emotions running through my head made me have weird dreams. So weird, that I won't repeat them here. The dreams just caught me by surprise. I don't know what to think about them. I never really know how to take my dreams or if I should take anything from them, but I do believe that something in dreams can mean something, it just depends on if you get the right message.
I hacked half my hair off. It was a really refreshing feeling. I don't fully understand why, but it just was. My hair is all even now, my highlights still remain a little at the bottom. I think I'll dye them purple. I don't know what else I was going to say here, oh well. =]
Today is Sunday and I have to say those thoughts of longing didn't bother me today. My attempts to suppress them again seem to be working. I know I'll still think them and feel them until that void is filled again, and that is alright, but they aren't at the forefront of my vision like they have been for the past few days.
I had a lot of fun today. Played Magic with Jem and rock band, then we went to Portland. Our plans were foiled in Portland, so we went to Rainy Day, played two board games and then the Magic the Gathering Pre-Release Sealed Tournament. I failed miserably, but it was fun nonetheless. I did win 1 match and I had a draw for one (meaning we didn't win or lose) and it was my first tournament since I was 14. It went well. I remembered exactly why I loved it for so long. This trend will continue. =]
It was really cool today, Jem and I had a pretty personal conversation, but I didn't feel nervous or anything. I helped me realize some things though. One thing that I didn't realize until now...I couldn't think of many reasons why I liked my ex for so long. It just points out to me how much I was blinded by the connection I felt that we had. We did have a lot in common and were able to be awkward and anti-social together, but I couldn't think of anything today that I would consider to be something worth the amount of time I spent in that relationship. He did give really good hugs and was good at being comforting, but I can have that in friends as well to a point (read last post again to understand that). I'll stop rambling about that, it was just nice to know I don't long after him anymore, that talking about him does not make me miss him anymore. I had never really noticed because nobody had asked about him for a loooooooong time, so I had no comparison.
Last but not least, my anxiety. It sometimes gets worse, with certain people I feel a lot less anxiety. For example, I am always anxious when it comes to annoying people. I always feel like people want me to shut up but won't say anything, or that people don't like my conversation topics and won't say anything. Stuff like that. That is a big generalization, but not enough time to clarify a ton right now. Other times, I worry that people are angry at me and don't say anything. I don't fully understand this...I'll give more info as I do. I do know it makes me more emotional at work because a lot of my anxiety is geared towards my quality of work.....and it is not good right now. =[ Well I think it is, but the numbers don't show it =[
Have fun all, hope you are enjoying these tidbits into my brain.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Longing
To clear things up...I use this blog to get out my thoughts. I get out all of my thoughts, the good, the bad, and the iffy. I never promised this would be a blog of happy-go-lucky posts. I do have a ton of happiness, but I also have anxiety, fears, worries, etc. This is my outlet. This is where my thoughts come out. I'm pretty open, ask me questions....if I don't want to share I won't, but don't be afraid to ask. Some parts of my life I'll only go into detail in private conversation. Some things don't need to be public view...also some people still judge for things that have happened to me. People assume that because most people can't handle hardships that anyone who has hardship is broken. Yes, I am broken sometimes, but it does not affect how I live my life as much as it did when it was happening....and I don't use it as an excuse for doing things in the present. I am a puzzle that has pieced back together after being torn apart. I take pride in the beauty that has been my life and I wouldn't change a thing.
On to the updates.
It's days like today that follow a blog post like the one last night that keep me thinking. It's kind of frustrating...now that I wrote all of that about my thoughts, now it's hard to suppress those thoughts again. It's days like today that I would come home to one of those strong, male hugs that could fix anything. I could use a hug like that right now. A hug that is more like an embrace...one that makes every worry melt, a hug with meaning. I want one of those right now more than anything. I can do things and have fun, those things will cheer me up, I will smile and laugh and it will work, but right now I'm alone and all I want is the kind of hug that will make all of my worries fade away.
Dang...I opened the floodgates last night and let thoughts come out that I haven't thought in a while. This sense of longing won't go away right now. And now it is more obvious. I get that nasty empty pit of my stomach feeling when I think about it. These thoughts don't make me cry, and talking about them really helps...so don't stop talking to me about things...just someone should give me a hug, a really good hug. I know it won't be the same, but a friendly hug is better than no hug at all.
Geez I sound like a sad sap right now, and now I'm fighting my anxiety...the part of me that wants to delete all of that so I don't sound like an emotional wreck. I really am not an emotional wreck and my last relationship wasn't as traumatic as you might think...(I won't disclose it on here because that person's family reads this and it would not be fair)
Aside from all of that, back to talk of work and life and stuff. What is the answer? 42. What should I bring to work? My towel. What shall I drink? A plastic cup filled with a liquid that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea. Can you tell what book I'm reading at work? if not, you are clearly inferior =]
I do have some stresses going on at work. Today I had a call that made me get up and walk to our Manager station to say "What the heck is going on?!" and I was so frustrated and so adamant to keep myself professional that I cried....I couldn't express my anger and frustration in any other way....if I didn't cry, I might have been fired for melting the face off the supervisor with my words....I kept it professional. It will be resolved. I'll have a blast this weekend and go back to work on monday refreshed and ready to go. You'd think after all of this I'd like my job less, but that is not the case. I know that the situation was a fluke and I know jobs have their stresses, it just makes my day not so much fun while I deal with it all.
In other news...I'm losing so much weight! most of my pants don't fit me anymore...I can actually wear shirts I couldn't wear before. I fit into my skinny jeans....I'm happy about it. Then some jerk-hole is comparing me to another girl in the cafe at work...I don't think he thought I could hear him...but he basically said he'd never be interested in someone my size, no matter how nice I was, but the other girl (who was a known wretch) he said he'd try and get with her. Ok, I might even understand a little bit if the guy talking wasn't twice if not three times my size. I was so mad! I made it known that I heard him without saying a word. I glared and walked away. I am less insecure about my weight than I was 80lbs ago...but it's people like that that make me so angry.
Shoot, I've got to go.
On to the updates.
It's days like today that follow a blog post like the one last night that keep me thinking. It's kind of frustrating...now that I wrote all of that about my thoughts, now it's hard to suppress those thoughts again. It's days like today that I would come home to one of those strong, male hugs that could fix anything. I could use a hug like that right now. A hug that is more like an embrace...one that makes every worry melt, a hug with meaning. I want one of those right now more than anything. I can do things and have fun, those things will cheer me up, I will smile and laugh and it will work, but right now I'm alone and all I want is the kind of hug that will make all of my worries fade away.
Dang...I opened the floodgates last night and let thoughts come out that I haven't thought in a while. This sense of longing won't go away right now. And now it is more obvious. I get that nasty empty pit of my stomach feeling when I think about it. These thoughts don't make me cry, and talking about them really helps...so don't stop talking to me about things...just someone should give me a hug, a really good hug. I know it won't be the same, but a friendly hug is better than no hug at all.
Geez I sound like a sad sap right now, and now I'm fighting my anxiety...the part of me that wants to delete all of that so I don't sound like an emotional wreck. I really am not an emotional wreck and my last relationship wasn't as traumatic as you might think...(I won't disclose it on here because that person's family reads this and it would not be fair)
Aside from all of that, back to talk of work and life and stuff. What is the answer? 42. What should I bring to work? My towel. What shall I drink? A plastic cup filled with a liquid that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea. Can you tell what book I'm reading at work? if not, you are clearly inferior =]
I do have some stresses going on at work. Today I had a call that made me get up and walk to our Manager station to say "What the heck is going on?!" and I was so frustrated and so adamant to keep myself professional that I cried....I couldn't express my anger and frustration in any other way....if I didn't cry, I might have been fired for melting the face off the supervisor with my words....I kept it professional. It will be resolved. I'll have a blast this weekend and go back to work on monday refreshed and ready to go. You'd think after all of this I'd like my job less, but that is not the case. I know that the situation was a fluke and I know jobs have their stresses, it just makes my day not so much fun while I deal with it all.
In other news...I'm losing so much weight! most of my pants don't fit me anymore...I can actually wear shirts I couldn't wear before. I fit into my skinny jeans....I'm happy about it. Then some jerk-hole is comparing me to another girl in the cafe at work...I don't think he thought I could hear him...but he basically said he'd never be interested in someone my size, no matter how nice I was, but the other girl (who was a known wretch) he said he'd try and get with her. Ok, I might even understand a little bit if the guy talking wasn't twice if not three times my size. I was so mad! I made it known that I heard him without saying a word. I glared and walked away. I am less insecure about my weight than I was 80lbs ago...but it's people like that that make me so angry.
Shoot, I've got to go.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
In Other News
Ok, after that long post of virtually unedited writing, here is another bout of unedited writing for you. I'm trying to finish this fast. I started writing this at work after having a conversation with a friend over text. The ret has been added in a slight rush to get it posted tonight.
Okay, I need to set goals again. I need to have a vision for up here. I've gotten in this cycle that is comfortable where I make a lot of social plans but outside of that and work, I'm not doing much to finish moving forward with my life. I need to do that. I have ideas and paths I've worked out for myself. I just need to decide which path to take and start figuring out what I need to do. I got into this cycle before and I want to continue growing as well as have fun, work, and generally live my life. I'll keep you all posted on what changes I decide to make and what goals I plan to set.
So after my last post I got a lot of text messages. One of these sparked a long conversation that I'm glad I had. This friend brought up the question, "if you're not in any rush to be in a relationship, why do you always post about it?" I don't think I fully answered her in text, but I figured I could post about it. I really am not in any rush to be in a relationship, though I think subconsciously I miss the feelings associated with being in a relationship. I know it has been a long time, but still...once you know what it feels like to have companionship, it's hard to forget how nice it felt. I had 4 years of companionship and while the messy relationship part I could live without, I miss having that person. The person I could always confide in...someone to share my day with, someone who will empathize with the stresses of my day. I know I miss the physical aspects, having someone to cuddle up with and watch a movie or stargaze with. I really miss just laying under the moon and reading with someone. So while I'm not in any rush to find a "boyfriend" I do miss the feelings that come with companionship. The kind that just can't be filled by one of my female friends. I also think part of it is I miss being able to be weak. I just remember always having to be strong and hold my ground, but with that one person I could be completely at ease. I miss falling asleep in someone's arms, even though nothing ever happened.
So that was kind of weird...this was where I left off at work...I think I'll decide to leave all of that in this post....I dunno, I just started writing and that all came out I guess. I can't remember where I was going with that, but maybe since since I allowed myself to think about my subconsciousness all of those thoughts came up...because I don't really think a lot about all of that. I don't constantly long for that feeling again. It would be nice to have, but I really never know how things are going to end up. I do know that lately at random times I feel a random emptiness in the pit of my stomach. I can't correlate any of the events quite yet, some things are adding up though.
In other new news...I am racking up the overtime this week. I like that I won't have to worry about finances for the next period. Let's see how things go. I got to listen to one of my calls today and it was weird and very enlightening at the same time. I think it helped a lot to hear myself and I might ask to do it again a few weeks down the road.
shoot....I really need to sleep....more some other time.
Okay, I need to set goals again. I need to have a vision for up here. I've gotten in this cycle that is comfortable where I make a lot of social plans but outside of that and work, I'm not doing much to finish moving forward with my life. I need to do that. I have ideas and paths I've worked out for myself. I just need to decide which path to take and start figuring out what I need to do. I got into this cycle before and I want to continue growing as well as have fun, work, and generally live my life. I'll keep you all posted on what changes I decide to make and what goals I plan to set.
So after my last post I got a lot of text messages. One of these sparked a long conversation that I'm glad I had. This friend brought up the question, "if you're not in any rush to be in a relationship, why do you always post about it?" I don't think I fully answered her in text, but I figured I could post about it. I really am not in any rush to be in a relationship, though I think subconsciously I miss the feelings associated with being in a relationship. I know it has been a long time, but still...once you know what it feels like to have companionship, it's hard to forget how nice it felt. I had 4 years of companionship and while the messy relationship part I could live without, I miss having that person. The person I could always confide in...someone to share my day with, someone who will empathize with the stresses of my day. I know I miss the physical aspects, having someone to cuddle up with and watch a movie or stargaze with. I really miss just laying under the moon and reading with someone. So while I'm not in any rush to find a "boyfriend" I do miss the feelings that come with companionship. The kind that just can't be filled by one of my female friends. I also think part of it is I miss being able to be weak. I just remember always having to be strong and hold my ground, but with that one person I could be completely at ease. I miss falling asleep in someone's arms, even though nothing ever happened.
So that was kind of weird...this was where I left off at work...I think I'll decide to leave all of that in this post....I dunno, I just started writing and that all came out I guess. I can't remember where I was going with that, but maybe since since I allowed myself to think about my subconsciousness all of those thoughts came up...because I don't really think a lot about all of that. I don't constantly long for that feeling again. It would be nice to have, but I really never know how things are going to end up. I do know that lately at random times I feel a random emptiness in the pit of my stomach. I can't correlate any of the events quite yet, some things are adding up though.
In other new news...I am racking up the overtime this week. I like that I won't have to worry about finances for the next period. Let's see how things go. I got to listen to one of my calls today and it was weird and very enlightening at the same time. I think it helped a lot to hear myself and I might ask to do it again a few weeks down the road.
shoot....I really need to sleep....more some other time.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Epic Post of Epic Length
This was all posted in various times and updated randomly. Forgive the mess, just posting it. lol. the part after the line was all written today.
I haven’t typed one of these up in a while. There is so much to update about and so little time to do it. I’ll do my best…bear with me…feel free to ask questions or for more details. There will be more than one post. I am typing this into word, I do not have internet right now so it is getting hard to post. I didn’t date earlier posts so I’ll try to incorporate them into what I update about.
Job: I love my job. Yes, there are complaints and office politics almost always have some sort of negative to them, but I still love my job. There are some stresses, like if there aren’t enough calls coming in then people get sent home and I’ve been sent home a lot of that. (It is not a reflection of how I am doing, but a reflection of what time I get off, so no worries there) the main issues are me not having enough money and also me not having enough calls to have customers give surveys to so it could effect that.
Other things with work are good. I have gotten 8 call coachings (where they record my call and score me on it. )I passed all but one of them so I’m doing well there. I have had 6 customer surveys and those aren’t going so well because of how they word the questions. The customers will rate me as a 9 on average, but they rate their overall experience in regards to that issue as a lower number. All the ones I got low scored on for the overall process were due to an agent before me. I did everything right but I was fixing a previous agent’s mistake so it hurt me in the end =[
I love my coworkers, I love my manager, I love my hours, and I love what I do. It’s not a dream job or even close to what I want to do for the rest of my life, but I do love it.
Boys: This department could use some work. I think I’ve kind of given up on the guy I like. Not in the sense that I have closed that door…but I think I’ve made myself pretty clear without using neon signs, and either the guy has no guts to say anything or he isn’t interested and I am sticking to my guns that I won’t ask a guy out anymore. To add to that, I keep thinking that the more I get to know him the more I think we’d just be better friends. Oh and if I haven’t explained this before, my reasoning for not asking a guy out anymore is that me asking a guy out has never really worked. Either it hurts me more in the long run (because they say no and then hate me because I asked them and their friends mock them for it…petty….I know); or the guy doesn’t want to tell me no so we date and then it ends after a while when I find out why he said yes or he just stops showing interest; and the third reason is the guy thought that since I asked him out that I’d “give him some” and since I am not asking him out to “give him some” then he realizes this and dumps me.
Lessons to be learned if a guy that likes me ever reads this: (and for my girls who read this and wonder what goes through my mind when I rant)
1) Just because I say yes to a date does not mean I say yes to sex.
2) I don’t date just to have someone to be with…if after a while I don’t think it will go anywhere, I will bring it up…I already wasted 4 years of my life with a guy that didn’t go anywhere and I won’t repeat that. I’d rather end it sooner than keep holding on wishing something would change that won’t.
3) I hug guys. Yes, even when I’m dating someone. I like hugs, high-fives, leaning on people, and a variety of friends of all genders and personality types. This does not mean I cheat. I don’t cheat.
4) I have never and will never hold my dating history or yours against you. I expect the same. My view of all guys does not change because I had a bad experience with one guy. Just because I had a bad experience does not mean I am “broken” and unable to handle a relationship. Don’t think this of me and I’ll give you the same courtesy. I learn from my mistakes and I don’t let them bring me down.
5) Have some guts to ask me out if you are interested. I will not treat you differently if you ask me and I am not interested. I am still friends with all of my ex-boyfriends, even the one that cheated on me with my best friend. I do not just say this, I hold myself to it. I do not think it is wrong, I do not think it tempts me to cheat, if it didn’t work before, it won’t work later so why lose a great friend over it?
Oh there are probably more for that list, but I’ll stop there.
Friends: I have been hanging out a lot with so many different people and I love it. Gaming, beach trip, random rendezvous, etc. I am sort of getting tired of people raining on my parade though, whining that I never see them saying they want to see me and then not showing it. Here is another list for the friends out there, lol. (this list will be the last time I say some of this, just because I’m tired of making the same rant. If people can’t get it, I’ll stop trying.)
1) Don’t tell me you want to see me or hang out with me just to make me feel loved; I don’t need the false advertisement. I am really not in dire need of friends, I don’t pride myself on how many friends I have, I pride myself on how strong my friendships are.
2) Don’t expect me to always come to you, ESPECIALLY if you never come to see me. For my Salem friends, if I just drove to Salem, you could have the decency to meet me somewhere that will help keep it convenient for me. I try to see a lot of people when I come down to Salem and if everyone expects me to come to them, I’m going to stop it. I can’t afford it, I can barely afford my trips to Salem much less having to drive all the way out south and then back or way out east when my meetings are downtown or West Salem. Just because I bridged the 50-mile gap does not mean it all of a sudden becomes convenient for me to drive everywhere. And I do see some people every time I come and that is because they either live or work in or close to downtown so that IS convenient.
3) WE don’t have to see each other to be friends. One of my closest friends is in Australia and I’ve never met her. I know I grew up with a lot of people and I make a lot of friends, but the best ones will still be there even when lives get busy, paths separate, etc.
4) Do not, I repeat, do not make me feel bad for hanging out with my other friends. I am so tired of this and I’m tired of repeating this as well. If I post about how much fun I had with so and so, BE HAPPY FOR ME! Do not say “OH why didn’t you invite me?”, Or “when are you going to hang out with me?” I hate this. DO NOT make me feel bad for living my life. It’s a two-way street, it looks like there is construction on your side and if it keeps up, I might just make my side into a dead end.
Again, probably more to be there, but ah well…next topic.
Home life: My roommate is the best I’ve had. I am not just saying that because she reads this. We have our struggles, but the struggles we have are simple compared to any I’ve had before. And unless she isn’t telling me something, our issues are normal and to be expected with different personalities under the same roof. It’s weird for me though. I’m not used to having a roommate that is my best friend. We do hang out more now than we ever have, but I still feel bad sometimes because I came up here and jumped into a bunch of groups and meet-ups, our schedules are opposite and when I get home from work I’m always tired and she has done so much around the house and I’m all zombie-Samwise…I’m surprised she hasn’t murdered me in my sleep or blown up at me yet. Blah. Paranoia and anxiety has set in.
TIIIIIRED……Must go to bed now.
____________________________________________________
Ok, now I’m just gonna write about topics as I think of them and keep adding more. I don’t know when the internet will get fixed at my apartment but I’m hoping it is soon.
So I had a semi-short conversation with Sara and I feel much better about our situation. I know I need to stop letting my anxiety get the best of me.
I got so stressed I cried at work today. It isn’t really crying, my eyes just got all watery because I was frustrated. I basically got told that the reason I can’t move up is because of things I can’t really control. I am going to try my best to fix it, but there is no guarantee. I got an hour of overtime today but today was so fast paced all of my breaks turned into unpaid work conversations and I was ok with that but I didn’t get to bug Jem and then when I was able to bug him, he was busy. Tomorrow is another day. I do like my job and I'm not just saying this, just voicing my stresses so In don't bottle them in.
I need to get better at scheduling. I am really bad at it. I plan too many things and then I forget and have to cancel on people. I don’t do it a lot, but twice in a month is too much for me. I also want to balance my schedule and give myself time to clean, time to relax, and time to have fun. I just need a planner, but one I will actually use. That is an explanation for another time.
Next on the agenda, I’m thinking of getting a bike to ride around instead of drive everywhere. I’ll start by riding to work and back and work up my muscles again, but I loved riding before and the only thing in my way is my lack of a bicycle. I think I need to fix this.
I want to post this and I’ll work on updating the rest; hopefully by the end of the night but maybe not until later this week.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Passion
I'm feeling passion towards something again, this is good. I feel like I can do something and I don't feel the doubt I normally feel. I feel fierce!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Brain Vomit
Okay, my brain is going to throw up all over this, and if there are repeats from the past, so be it.
This last week was a zombie week. I was too nice and gave rides to my coworkers. one was ok, the other was just too far. I am no longer giving him rides for the sake of my own sanity. My apartment got messier than I've ever had it before and I disgusted myself. I'm surprised Sara didn't get angry at me, I would have. It is all clean now, at least the kitchen anyway. My goal this week is to move all of my books to the bookshelves so I can finally use my dresser for clothes like it is intended for.
Work. Work is its own entity. I do like my job a lot, it has it's ups and downs, but all in all I do really like my job. I have awesome coworkers and they have been easy to jump in and be friends with. I care a lot less about what people think of me, and if they aren't open and honest with me, they have no reason to be upset. I don't go out and upset people, but if I am unintentionally doing something that annoys someone, thay can't be upset if they never tell me it annoys them, so I'm going to keep on keepin on.
I really want to go on a drive. Just get in a car and go. No destination and no plan, just GO. Make decisions as I get there and see where the road takes me. I might get to go with Matt because he has this whole week off, but I don't want to monopolize his whole week. lol. I think we've already planned a gaming day and a mini golf day. a Dr Who marathon was mentioned but who knows hahaha.....this is kinda finny now. Either way, I want to go on a drive, I want a partner in crime who can also contribute for gas. lol. <3
On to other things.....I am so happy lately. Happy and growing. I love my life currently and I don't see it changing for the worse. This is new for me and I hope this change lasts. I like smiling and that muscle is hurting less because I'm doing it more. I couldn't have imagined myself in a better place.
To all of you who have helped me get to this point, to those who have helped save my life in the most literal sense, to those who have been there for me when I was going through the hardest times, I thank you. To those who have been there and helped without knowing, to those who can make me laugh with a poke, to those who give hugs that make me cry, I thank you as well. I have had so many people support me through my life. Some people I've had to cut out because they can't stop seeing me as the homeless girl or the girl who is always in need. To those that have allowed their view of me to grow as I have grown, to those who help me find the laughter in my stress, and most of all, to those who helped me up when I fell down...To all of these people, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you.
For my post about today, today was AMAZING. Yesterday was just as AMAZING. Yesterday I felt bad that I woke up late, but the beach was amazing. No sun-burn this time either. Went into the ocean until waves toppled me over, freezing but fun! Played board games and I almost beat Aaron. It was also fun to see Jem do poorly because he is usually more skillful than I am. Playing resistance while driving is fun, yet I was at a disadvantage. Then I went shopping with Mariona and Sabrina, finally got to spend money on me and get clothes that I like. I bought a dress too.
More on today, I wore the dress I bought yesterday, I worked in the doughnut hole with Matt and it was fun. Then we went to the picnic, I threw a football with a group from our young adult study, and then went on swings with matt. Sat in the shade/sun and watched volleyball. It was relaxing. My whole weekend has been uber relaxing. To top it all off, came home, cleaned, had Matt, Adam, and Dan over to play games and have dinner. We made them enchiladas and salad. Found out some very interesting facts about the three of them, it was just fun altogether.
Now to end the post with pictures:
me in the dress I got =]
Matt, Sara and I at the church picnic.
This last week was a zombie week. I was too nice and gave rides to my coworkers. one was ok, the other was just too far. I am no longer giving him rides for the sake of my own sanity. My apartment got messier than I've ever had it before and I disgusted myself. I'm surprised Sara didn't get angry at me, I would have. It is all clean now, at least the kitchen anyway. My goal this week is to move all of my books to the bookshelves so I can finally use my dresser for clothes like it is intended for.
Work. Work is its own entity. I do like my job a lot, it has it's ups and downs, but all in all I do really like my job. I have awesome coworkers and they have been easy to jump in and be friends with. I care a lot less about what people think of me, and if they aren't open and honest with me, they have no reason to be upset. I don't go out and upset people, but if I am unintentionally doing something that annoys someone, thay can't be upset if they never tell me it annoys them, so I'm going to keep on keepin on.
I really want to go on a drive. Just get in a car and go. No destination and no plan, just GO. Make decisions as I get there and see where the road takes me. I might get to go with Matt because he has this whole week off, but I don't want to monopolize his whole week. lol. I think we've already planned a gaming day and a mini golf day. a Dr Who marathon was mentioned but who knows hahaha.....this is kinda finny now. Either way, I want to go on a drive, I want a partner in crime who can also contribute for gas. lol. <3
On to other things.....I am so happy lately. Happy and growing. I love my life currently and I don't see it changing for the worse. This is new for me and I hope this change lasts. I like smiling and that muscle is hurting less because I'm doing it more. I couldn't have imagined myself in a better place.
To all of you who have helped me get to this point, to those who have helped save my life in the most literal sense, to those who have been there for me when I was going through the hardest times, I thank you. To those who have been there and helped without knowing, to those who can make me laugh with a poke, to those who give hugs that make me cry, I thank you as well. I have had so many people support me through my life. Some people I've had to cut out because they can't stop seeing me as the homeless girl or the girl who is always in need. To those that have allowed their view of me to grow as I have grown, to those who help me find the laughter in my stress, and most of all, to those who helped me up when I fell down...To all of these people, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you.
For my post about today, today was AMAZING. Yesterday was just as AMAZING. Yesterday I felt bad that I woke up late, but the beach was amazing. No sun-burn this time either. Went into the ocean until waves toppled me over, freezing but fun! Played board games and I almost beat Aaron. It was also fun to see Jem do poorly because he is usually more skillful than I am. Playing resistance while driving is fun, yet I was at a disadvantage. Then I went shopping with Mariona and Sabrina, finally got to spend money on me and get clothes that I like. I bought a dress too.
More on today, I wore the dress I bought yesterday, I worked in the doughnut hole with Matt and it was fun. Then we went to the picnic, I threw a football with a group from our young adult study, and then went on swings with matt. Sat in the shade/sun and watched volleyball. It was relaxing. My whole weekend has been uber relaxing. To top it all off, came home, cleaned, had Matt, Adam, and Dan over to play games and have dinner. We made them enchiladas and salad. Found out some very interesting facts about the three of them, it was just fun altogether.
Now to end the post with pictures:
me in the dress I got =]
Matt, Sara and I at the church picnic.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Up Up and Away
The title says it all. My life just keeps moving up. Day by day I am so much more thankful that I moved away from Salem. I still miss people, and I will still go down, but I don't think it was ever really home to me. I went back there and thought about it and realized that I didn't feel homesick when I was there. Beaverton feels more like home and I haven't even been here that long.
I am also happier with the people I've met up here. I know I've mentioned the gaming group, but I just can't believe that I met such an amazing group of people the same week I moved up here. It has shaped my life up here dramatically and started the upward spiral of happiness in my life. Also, I am grateful that Pastor Michael suggested churches that we should try and the first one we tried is Epic and I am glad we started there. Though Sara and my schedule don't mesh well together, they will hopefully allow us to go to church together soon. This sunday I work in the Doughnut hole with Matt. We pass out doughnuts to the congregation. I am excited. I am hoping to meet a bunch of new people even if I don't remember them all, I think doing the Doughnut hole will help get me to be more outgoing at the church. It is also a way for me to serve the church while I'm waiting for my 6 month mark so I can do children's ministry and then hopefully jr high youthgroup.
more to be posted, but I've gotta run. this is a teaser =]
and a picture to leave it off. beach trip with a bunch of my new friends and one old great friend =]
I am also happier with the people I've met up here. I know I've mentioned the gaming group, but I just can't believe that I met such an amazing group of people the same week I moved up here. It has shaped my life up here dramatically and started the upward spiral of happiness in my life. Also, I am grateful that Pastor Michael suggested churches that we should try and the first one we tried is Epic and I am glad we started there. Though Sara and my schedule don't mesh well together, they will hopefully allow us to go to church together soon. This sunday I work in the Doughnut hole with Matt. We pass out doughnuts to the congregation. I am excited. I am hoping to meet a bunch of new people even if I don't remember them all, I think doing the Doughnut hole will help get me to be more outgoing at the church. It is also a way for me to serve the church while I'm waiting for my 6 month mark so I can do children's ministry and then hopefully jr high youthgroup.
more to be posted, but I've gotta run. this is a teaser =]
and a picture to leave it off. beach trip with a bunch of my new friends and one old great friend =]
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Here, there and everywhere
Ok, so I'm loooooong overdue for one of these. I'm kind of rushed so I'll try and fit as much as I can and then do another one later this week.
Sooo, I'm halfway through the 4th week at my new job. I love it. Training has been a brain melting experience, but I am much more confident in my ability to do my job. I've met some pretty cool people at work and I think it will be a pleasant experience. I do tech support and it is a call center, some may find that a bad idea for me, but I think I'll love it =]. I don't know what else to say here, but yay. =]
School is on hold for various reasons. 1)I owe PSU money, will hopefully pay it back in time for Fall term., 2) possible bereavement, 3) in the process of reinventing myself.
On the reinventing...I keep feeling like changing the direction of my life. There are many things I like to do and I'm slowly realizing that maybe Social Work isn't my niche. I don't know what my niche is, but I've been keeping my mind open about it. Every time I get interested in something I look at it from a career perspective and see what I think about it. There are some real prospects. Photography, Writing, Teaching, Automotive, Cooking/catering, Regardless, I am thinking of changing and getting a business management degree of sorts because all of these bases could be covered by that. We will see how it goes, but I just feel like my life needs a refresh button. This move has been really good for more reasons than those that I stated before. I have a chance to think about my life without the constant push of other people. I love opinions and advice, but not people telling me what I need to do instead. I know all the steps for each of these paths, it's just a matter of which one I take.
Okay, the subject of guys has not been brought up in a while on here. I'm realizing a lot of things about this department as well. First, that people seem to think they know when I like someone, but are almost always mistaken. I feel like it is common nature to notice guys and think about a relationship without even meaning to, and I think it is ok to say "I wouldn't say no if he asked me, but I'm not pursuing anything there." There is currently one guy that I am interested in. I feel like I should be vague in case he reads this....lol...beats me. He is a little less than a year older than me, he is sweet, smart, funny, responsible, caring, and active in church and ministry. I haven't known him long, so I don't know what to do in this situation...I swore I'd never ask a guy out again, it never works out for me, but if he is interested in me, I'd hope he could ask me out, lol. I like the whole courtship thing, hanging out a lot in group, public, casual settings. That is how we have hung out so far, so I feel like I am able to get to know him with no pressure, and he has no idea(I think) so I dunno. Sheesh, I don't think I've said "I like this person" in a long time, much less this soon after knowing the person. I've just been praying about it and seeing what comes about.
Sara and I have found a church, I think we are both happy with this church. I know I am. I like the sermons and the ministries that they do. I talked to the jr. high pastor today to see about being a leader, but I have to have been going there for 6 months and he wants me to help out in children's ministry for a while first. I'm ok with that, I like Children's ministry. =].
On the topic of getting me out there...I really like how easy it seems to be for me to get out and live. I really have the best counselor in the whole world. With her help I have been able to change a lot of things in my life for the better. I used to hide out a lot, be paranoid about everything, and was anxious around people. Now I just seem to jump in more, I am acting a lot like I was acting before I started caring so much about what people thought about me. I think I'm starting to feel happy, and I'm not fighting the feeling anymore. It's not seeming so foreign, and I finally feel like I deserve it.
sorry about all the random jumps, I want to spill my brain out. hope you understood it all.
Oh, a couple more things. Sara and I have been hosting a chinese exchange student, Anice, and she is amazing. She is so adorable and I'm glad we did it. I've been a zombie or busy for most of it, and I hate that, but I still love it.
here are some pictures =]
this is from day 1.
this was on Sunday earlier this week....and I was sunburned from the day before. Gotta love it. lol
above:sara, me, and Anice at the Washington County Fair; Below: Anice, me, and Matt, same fair.
I look like a fat cow, but here is me with Anice and our kitty Snowflake.
Matt and Anice rode the ring of fire. they are the two in the front in this picture.
Sooo, I'm halfway through the 4th week at my new job. I love it. Training has been a brain melting experience, but I am much more confident in my ability to do my job. I've met some pretty cool people at work and I think it will be a pleasant experience. I do tech support and it is a call center, some may find that a bad idea for me, but I think I'll love it =]. I don't know what else to say here, but yay. =]
School is on hold for various reasons. 1)I owe PSU money, will hopefully pay it back in time for Fall term., 2) possible bereavement, 3) in the process of reinventing myself.
On the reinventing...I keep feeling like changing the direction of my life. There are many things I like to do and I'm slowly realizing that maybe Social Work isn't my niche. I don't know what my niche is, but I've been keeping my mind open about it. Every time I get interested in something I look at it from a career perspective and see what I think about it. There are some real prospects. Photography, Writing, Teaching, Automotive, Cooking/catering, Regardless, I am thinking of changing and getting a business management degree of sorts because all of these bases could be covered by that. We will see how it goes, but I just feel like my life needs a refresh button. This move has been really good for more reasons than those that I stated before. I have a chance to think about my life without the constant push of other people. I love opinions and advice, but not people telling me what I need to do instead. I know all the steps for each of these paths, it's just a matter of which one I take.
Okay, the subject of guys has not been brought up in a while on here. I'm realizing a lot of things about this department as well. First, that people seem to think they know when I like someone, but are almost always mistaken. I feel like it is common nature to notice guys and think about a relationship without even meaning to, and I think it is ok to say "I wouldn't say no if he asked me, but I'm not pursuing anything there." There is currently one guy that I am interested in. I feel like I should be vague in case he reads this....lol...beats me. He is a little less than a year older than me, he is sweet, smart, funny, responsible, caring, and active in church and ministry. I haven't known him long, so I don't know what to do in this situation...I swore I'd never ask a guy out again, it never works out for me, but if he is interested in me, I'd hope he could ask me out, lol. I like the whole courtship thing, hanging out a lot in group, public, casual settings. That is how we have hung out so far, so I feel like I am able to get to know him with no pressure, and he has no idea(I think) so I dunno. Sheesh, I don't think I've said "I like this person" in a long time, much less this soon after knowing the person. I've just been praying about it and seeing what comes about.
Sara and I have found a church, I think we are both happy with this church. I know I am. I like the sermons and the ministries that they do. I talked to the jr. high pastor today to see about being a leader, but I have to have been going there for 6 months and he wants me to help out in children's ministry for a while first. I'm ok with that, I like Children's ministry. =].
On the topic of getting me out there...I really like how easy it seems to be for me to get out and live. I really have the best counselor in the whole world. With her help I have been able to change a lot of things in my life for the better. I used to hide out a lot, be paranoid about everything, and was anxious around people. Now I just seem to jump in more, I am acting a lot like I was acting before I started caring so much about what people thought about me. I think I'm starting to feel happy, and I'm not fighting the feeling anymore. It's not seeming so foreign, and I finally feel like I deserve it.
sorry about all the random jumps, I want to spill my brain out. hope you understood it all.
Oh, a couple more things. Sara and I have been hosting a chinese exchange student, Anice, and she is amazing. She is so adorable and I'm glad we did it. I've been a zombie or busy for most of it, and I hate that, but I still love it.
here are some pictures =]
this is from day 1.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Ranty McRant Rant
I am tired of needy people. I really am. I am to the point that if people I know don't start realizing that the world doesn't revolve around them, then they'll lose a friend in me. This isn't just about one person, so don't go worrying that I'm talking vaguely about you if you are reading this. Just a string of events with various people has gotten me to the point where I want to break things.
I don't keep these people in my life because I'm a glutton for punishment, but I like them. I'll always have my complaints about people, even those closest to me. That just comes with life. I just don't like it when I'm painted as the bad person because I didn't give 110% when the person complaining didn't even give 10%. I go to Salem and get snapped at because I didn't see certain people. It is the same 6 people every time that complain about me not seeing them but never put the effort to make it easier for me by meeting me in the middle somehow. Just because I have a car doesn't mean gas materializes out of thin air.
Next, over generalizations....stop using them. Don't tell me I'm doing it here, I'm just not wanting to pick people out, I'm not saying "nobody does this or everyone does this" I'm saying, certain people are making my stress levels go higher. what I mean by generalizations is....don't tell me everyone bails on you when I'm the one that stays or that everyone talks about you behind your back when I don't. you can say I think some people might be doing this or some people bail on me more than others, but to say everyone does something is discrediting the people that do try and it is hard for those people (usually me included) not to take it personally.
I'm sorry if none of this makes sense, but I just needed to rant and get it out so I can go to sleep and not be angry. I am warning people ahead of time, stop painting me as the bad person when you aren't willing to put forward the same effort you expect me to put forward.
Good bye and good night
I don't keep these people in my life because I'm a glutton for punishment, but I like them. I'll always have my complaints about people, even those closest to me. That just comes with life. I just don't like it when I'm painted as the bad person because I didn't give 110% when the person complaining didn't even give 10%. I go to Salem and get snapped at because I didn't see certain people. It is the same 6 people every time that complain about me not seeing them but never put the effort to make it easier for me by meeting me in the middle somehow. Just because I have a car doesn't mean gas materializes out of thin air.
Next, over generalizations....stop using them. Don't tell me I'm doing it here, I'm just not wanting to pick people out, I'm not saying "nobody does this or everyone does this" I'm saying, certain people are making my stress levels go higher. what I mean by generalizations is....don't tell me everyone bails on you when I'm the one that stays or that everyone talks about you behind your back when I don't. you can say I think some people might be doing this or some people bail on me more than others, but to say everyone does something is discrediting the people that do try and it is hard for those people (usually me included) not to take it personally.
I'm sorry if none of this makes sense, but I just needed to rant and get it out so I can go to sleep and not be angry. I am warning people ahead of time, stop painting me as the bad person when you aren't willing to put forward the same effort you expect me to put forward.
Good bye and good night
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Grr---Arg
So I know I'm lame and haven't posted in a while. Here is a huge update on many aspects.
I got a JOB!!!! I work doing phone tech support for XBox. I think I will love my job, even if it brings back all my jokes when I mocked cubicle hells. =] I start on Monday (technically tomorrow) and I can't wait. I work 40 hours a week and for the first 4-6 weeks I'll work m-f 6am-2:30pm which is a schedule I'd be glad to keep for a looooong time =]
Next on the agenda, dating life, or such that is nonexistent. I have two guys that have piqued my interests, though only one that might possibly be optimistic. The other one the guy is definitely interested but all he wants is for me to send dirty texts or pictures and I'm cutting those ties because that isn't how I roll. The guy that could possibly be optimistic is a guy that I met soon after moving up here. I find him attractive, we have a lot of the same interests and similar types of humor. I have to be vague in case he reads this, I'm not gutsy enough to voice my interest in him quite yet, though I have decided that I will pursue a get-to-know-you type relationship stage and see where that goes.
In other news:
1. the Caylee case...I'll voice my word. I trust our judicial system. I find it sad a child died, I find the circumstances odd, but I don't agree in sentencing when there is reasonable doubt. I don't have enough interest to look into the Caylee's law thing unless it shows up for ballots in Oregon. I'm not a horrible person, I just have my views.
2. Google+ I think I will like this, I like a lot of aspects of it and I'm a big fan of the Google stuff tying in together. I am interested to see what happens when it rolls out officially.
3. Harry Potter on Thursday!!!! =] I grew up with this series. I was 10 when the first book came out and I have been reading them since way before they became popular. They became more popular when the first movie came out (when the third book came out) I aged with the characters and though I am now 23, I am still just as much of a fan, and I think I always will be. Thank you JK Rowling for introducing me to the books that changed my views of books forever.
4. Free Slurpee day tomorrow. that just deserves mention =]
Back to my life and stuffs...It has been almost a month and a half since I moved up here and I still think it was a wonderful idea. All the aspects of my life that I hoped would change for the better have changed for the better. There are still bumps and that is to be expected, but these bumps I can handle, I see my life going in a progressively upward spiral. Also, this is so far the best roommate situation I've ever had. Her quirks are cute, I think she finds mine cute sometimes hahaha, and we haven't fought yet. We know how to tell when the other person seems to be getting a bit frustrated and diffuse it with logic or humor. Now, if only I could get the cat to jump on MY lap too, we'd be in business. =]
Ok, rant is next.
To all my Salem friends if you read this...the ball is in your court. I know I am the one that moved away, but that does not mean that I have to pay all the money to come see you all. I've come down, I've gone out of my way to see as many people as I could. I've been flaked on, cancelled on, lied to to get out of seeing me, and whatnot. I'm done. I'll still try to see the people that haven't done those things to me, but I have less reason to drive down for fun. It's all of your turn. I've heard every excuse in the book as to why people couldn't come see me, even a person that lived a half a mile away from me. Don't lie to me, just tell me you don't want to come. Lying is worse and just stupid. I had two house-warming parties, not because I love having them, but because when I moved my friends requested me having them so they could see my place. I've done everything I can, so I repeat...the ball is in your court. What are you going to do with it?
Ok I think that is good for now. gnight all.
I got a JOB!!!! I work doing phone tech support for XBox. I think I will love my job, even if it brings back all my jokes when I mocked cubicle hells. =] I start on Monday (technically tomorrow) and I can't wait. I work 40 hours a week and for the first 4-6 weeks I'll work m-f 6am-2:30pm which is a schedule I'd be glad to keep for a looooong time =]
Next on the agenda, dating life, or such that is nonexistent. I have two guys that have piqued my interests, though only one that might possibly be optimistic. The other one the guy is definitely interested but all he wants is for me to send dirty texts or pictures and I'm cutting those ties because that isn't how I roll. The guy that could possibly be optimistic is a guy that I met soon after moving up here. I find him attractive, we have a lot of the same interests and similar types of humor. I have to be vague in case he reads this, I'm not gutsy enough to voice my interest in him quite yet, though I have decided that I will pursue a get-to-know-you type relationship stage and see where that goes.
In other news:
1. the Caylee case...I'll voice my word. I trust our judicial system. I find it sad a child died, I find the circumstances odd, but I don't agree in sentencing when there is reasonable doubt. I don't have enough interest to look into the Caylee's law thing unless it shows up for ballots in Oregon. I'm not a horrible person, I just have my views.
2. Google+ I think I will like this, I like a lot of aspects of it and I'm a big fan of the Google stuff tying in together. I am interested to see what happens when it rolls out officially.
3. Harry Potter on Thursday!!!! =] I grew up with this series. I was 10 when the first book came out and I have been reading them since way before they became popular. They became more popular when the first movie came out (when the third book came out) I aged with the characters and though I am now 23, I am still just as much of a fan, and I think I always will be. Thank you JK Rowling for introducing me to the books that changed my views of books forever.
4. Free Slurpee day tomorrow. that just deserves mention =]
Back to my life and stuffs...It has been almost a month and a half since I moved up here and I still think it was a wonderful idea. All the aspects of my life that I hoped would change for the better have changed for the better. There are still bumps and that is to be expected, but these bumps I can handle, I see my life going in a progressively upward spiral. Also, this is so far the best roommate situation I've ever had. Her quirks are cute, I think she finds mine cute sometimes hahaha, and we haven't fought yet. We know how to tell when the other person seems to be getting a bit frustrated and diffuse it with logic or humor. Now, if only I could get the cat to jump on MY lap too, we'd be in business. =]
Ok, rant is next.
To all my Salem friends if you read this...the ball is in your court. I know I am the one that moved away, but that does not mean that I have to pay all the money to come see you all. I've come down, I've gone out of my way to see as many people as I could. I've been flaked on, cancelled on, lied to to get out of seeing me, and whatnot. I'm done. I'll still try to see the people that haven't done those things to me, but I have less reason to drive down for fun. It's all of your turn. I've heard every excuse in the book as to why people couldn't come see me, even a person that lived a half a mile away from me. Don't lie to me, just tell me you don't want to come. Lying is worse and just stupid. I had two house-warming parties, not because I love having them, but because when I moved my friends requested me having them so they could see my place. I've done everything I can, so I repeat...the ball is in your court. What are you going to do with it?
Ok I think that is good for now. gnight all.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Jesus Freak
"What will people think
When they hear that I'm a Jesus freak
What will people do when they find that it's true
I don't really care if they label me a Jesus freak
There ain't no disguising the truth
People say I'm strange, does it make me a stranger
That my best friend was born in a manger"
I heard this song today and it made me smile. I haven't heard it in forever and it just suits me.
I won't hide my Christianity, I get ridiculed for it daily. People assume that they know what "all" Christians are like and I'm to the point that I don't get drawn into a verbal match anymore. I will show what a true Christian is through my actions. I do not outwardly judge, I do not chastise, it is not my place to do so. I can offer my hand to help people where I can, I can give advice to people when asked, I can be a good person. I can only control what my actions are, and if someone is so closed off to the point that hearing what I am makes them turn away, I hope one day they open themselves up and see what the difference is between how they view Christians and how true Christians really are. I'm a Jesus Freak, my best friend was born in a manger, what about you?
When they hear that I'm a Jesus freak
What will people do when they find that it's true
I don't really care if they label me a Jesus freak
There ain't no disguising the truth
People say I'm strange, does it make me a stranger
That my best friend was born in a manger"
I heard this song today and it made me smile. I haven't heard it in forever and it just suits me.
I won't hide my Christianity, I get ridiculed for it daily. People assume that they know what "all" Christians are like and I'm to the point that I don't get drawn into a verbal match anymore. I will show what a true Christian is through my actions. I do not outwardly judge, I do not chastise, it is not my place to do so. I can offer my hand to help people where I can, I can give advice to people when asked, I can be a good person. I can only control what my actions are, and if someone is so closed off to the point that hearing what I am makes them turn away, I hope one day they open themselves up and see what the difference is between how they view Christians and how true Christians really are. I'm a Jesus Freak, my best friend was born in a manger, what about you?
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Amazing Weekend, followed by Blarg!
I have a bunch to catch up on, I've been slacking at this whole thing. Job hunting sucks and it has been biting me in the butt so hard. I've applied for 10-15 jobs every week since I've moved and I had 2 interviews last week. They both said they'd get back to me by Friday, one got back to me and told me no, the other one hasn't even had the decency to call yet. I still sent my normal "thank you" card that I send after each interview, but I just want a job!!! I hate people buying stuff for me, it's nice and all, but I don't like to be a mooch. I won't ask people for things unless I REALLY need them. Something I have learned is that as much as I hate asking for help, I need to allow people to help me when offered. So from here on out, if people offer me things, they'd better mean it. I'm tired of worrying that people are only offering to be nice but don't really want to help. If you offer me something and I take it, don't resent me for it later or ask me to pay you back unless the condition of the help is if I pay you back. I don't like racking up tabs, but sometimes a girl's gotta eat.
Aside from that...This weekend I spent staying at Thetford Lodge for a letterboxing event. (if you want information on letterboxing, go to atlasquest.com) I love letterboxing and meeting people that letterbox. We did some letterboxing in Salem on the way to Lyons, then we did night boxing in John Neal Memorial Park. I'd never done night boxing before and it was amazing. We found all the boxes and I got first finder on two of them. The bullfrogs were seriously out that night. They played music for us the whole night as we hiked around the park. WE got to see one of them and he was huge, I swear I could compare him to a gallon jug! =]
Saturday we went to Canyon Creek, Bear Creek, North Fork Nature Park, and back to John Neal. It rained on us pretty much all day, but we took a break halfway through for a lunch and hot chocolate break back at the lodge. (hot chocolate with marshmallows is amazing) On our second trip out we also stopped for hot chocolate with whipped cream =] The hikes were beautiful. at Bear Creek there were a lot of uphill and downhill slopes. I avoided a couple for safety on my own part, but it was amazingly beautiful. North Fork Nature Park was also beautiful. I got a little scared as the trail got close to the edge and it was basically roots holding us up, but it was worth the scare. We found all the event boxes and bonus boxes, and it was probably the best event I'd been to aside from the Powell's event. (even with the rain)
Today we tried to find more boxes in salem, but were unsuccessful...maybe in the summer we will go back. I have fun boxing with KuKu and QBF and I can't wait for the event next weekend.
Back to job stuffs.....the Blarg! is related to my coming home and applying for 5 jobs. I REALLY want a job. Oh and I want to murder some children in my apartment complex, but that's besides the point.
studying up on personal travellers so I can be ready for next weekend =]
Aside from that...This weekend I spent staying at Thetford Lodge for a letterboxing event. (if you want information on letterboxing, go to atlasquest.com) I love letterboxing and meeting people that letterbox. We did some letterboxing in Salem on the way to Lyons, then we did night boxing in John Neal Memorial Park. I'd never done night boxing before and it was amazing. We found all the boxes and I got first finder on two of them. The bullfrogs were seriously out that night. They played music for us the whole night as we hiked around the park. WE got to see one of them and he was huge, I swear I could compare him to a gallon jug! =]
Saturday we went to Canyon Creek, Bear Creek, North Fork Nature Park, and back to John Neal. It rained on us pretty much all day, but we took a break halfway through for a lunch and hot chocolate break back at the lodge. (hot chocolate with marshmallows is amazing) On our second trip out we also stopped for hot chocolate with whipped cream =] The hikes were beautiful. at Bear Creek there were a lot of uphill and downhill slopes. I avoided a couple for safety on my own part, but it was amazingly beautiful. North Fork Nature Park was also beautiful. I got a little scared as the trail got close to the edge and it was basically roots holding us up, but it was worth the scare. We found all the event boxes and bonus boxes, and it was probably the best event I'd been to aside from the Powell's event. (even with the rain)
Today we tried to find more boxes in salem, but were unsuccessful...maybe in the summer we will go back. I have fun boxing with KuKu and QBF and I can't wait for the event next weekend.
Back to job stuffs.....the Blarg! is related to my coming home and applying for 5 jobs. I REALLY want a job. Oh and I want to murder some children in my apartment complex, but that's besides the point.
studying up on personal travellers so I can be ready for next weekend =]
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
More of My Update-y Stuffs
The rest of these topics have no real genre except general life I guess...
So my car has been giving me troubles. I just want to get it all fixed and taken care of. Today it turned back on, but it hasn't turned on for a week. It is so frustrating sometimes. I don't have the money to pay for car repairs right now. I just hope my car lasts long enough for me to get the money to help it. Right now it has gas in it and I'm going to use it to do more job search and such. I am glad I can drive now =] I feel so comfortable driving, I actually enjoy it.
On another note, my mom has been doing this diet plan and she has really inspired me. I know that I cannot afford to do the same program she is doing (I can't even afford the much cheaper Weight Watchers) so my weight loss is going to have to be all me and my willpower. I need to work on this. Slowly I have been working on my eating habits. At least right now I am eating on more of a regular schedule which is really good for my body. I REALLY want to lose weight...for nobody but myself. I want to feel confident in my looks. So my mom has been sending emails documenting her path. In one of her emails she had some goal setting questions so I am stealing those and answering them here for myself. Setting attainable and realistic goals for myself.
1. What are your health goals?
a. I will pick 1 recipe a week from my Weight Watchers cook book and make it instead of a normal meal.
b. I will do 15 minutes of exercise 3 days a week.
c. I will continue to plan my meals and stick to them.
2. What are your career goals?
3. What are your financial goals?
4. What are your education goals?
a. pay off PSU by August so I can register for Fall term
b. Graduate with Bachelor's by June 2014
5. What are your home environmental goals?
a. Organize my room by the end of June.
b. Get a bed by mid July
6. What are your relationship goals?
So I will work on those goals. I want to be a healthier me. I want to get my life in order and I'm taking the right steps to move gracefully in that direction.
This picture of me, taken on Saturday, is the best picture I've had of myself in a while. Thought it is constructed well and such, I know it is deceptive in some areas. I know which of those areas it is deceptive in and I want to improve them. I am not saying this is an edited picture, it is not edited at all, but still, deceptive.
So my car has been giving me troubles. I just want to get it all fixed and taken care of. Today it turned back on, but it hasn't turned on for a week. It is so frustrating sometimes. I don't have the money to pay for car repairs right now. I just hope my car lasts long enough for me to get the money to help it. Right now it has gas in it and I'm going to use it to do more job search and such. I am glad I can drive now =] I feel so comfortable driving, I actually enjoy it.
On another note, my mom has been doing this diet plan and she has really inspired me. I know that I cannot afford to do the same program she is doing (I can't even afford the much cheaper Weight Watchers) so my weight loss is going to have to be all me and my willpower. I need to work on this. Slowly I have been working on my eating habits. At least right now I am eating on more of a regular schedule which is really good for my body. I REALLY want to lose weight...for nobody but myself. I want to feel confident in my looks. So my mom has been sending emails documenting her path. In one of her emails she had some goal setting questions so I am stealing those and answering them here for myself. Setting attainable and realistic goals for myself.
1. What are your health goals?
b. I will do 15 minutes of exercise 3 days a week.
c. I will continue to plan my meals and stick to them.
Find a job. I'm not going to put a time limit on this. I just need to find a job.
a. Start the Dave Ramsey program once I get my first paycheck from said new job.
b. Pay off all old debts by December of 2013
a. pay off PSU by August so I can register for Fall term
b. Graduate with Bachelor's by June 2014
b. Get a bed by mid July
c. Make my house into a home.
a. Spend the rest of 2011 evaluating my relationships and figuring out which ones I want to invest more time into.
b. Continue doing board gaming group for social interaction.
If you want my advice, let that freak flag fly.
All things geeky related are going to flow forward in this post.
I think I have mentioned that I found a board gaming group and I love it. In just two weeks I've played so many new games and I'm catching on quick. It is a social circle that is healthy for me and I'm having a ton of fun. I already have a few new friends here and I like hanging out with them. Tonight we might be playing a cooperative Lord of the Rings game. I am glad we are gaming tonight since I don't think I'll be able to go this Friday or Saturday.
Sara is reading the Harry Potter series and we are watching the movies as well. I am excited that I actually think she can finish catching up by July 15th so we can go to the midnight premiere together. This is the last Harry Potter movie and I'm so excited. I just finished re-reading the seventh book again. Watching the movies with Sara has made me want to re-read the whole series again for sort of a refresher. I'll be starting book 1 again tomorrow.
This might not be geeky per say, but so what? =] We had the best storm in a long time on Sunday. It was hot and beautiful all day and then a torrential downpour came. If my time of the month hadn't started, I would have been jumping around in the rain. The thunder clouds excited me and we even saw and hear lightning. It was epic. I LOVE storms sooooo much!!!
I think I have mentioned that I found a board gaming group and I love it. In just two weeks I've played so many new games and I'm catching on quick. It is a social circle that is healthy for me and I'm having a ton of fun. I already have a few new friends here and I like hanging out with them. Tonight we might be playing a cooperative Lord of the Rings game. I am glad we are gaming tonight since I don't think I'll be able to go this Friday or Saturday.
Sara is reading the Harry Potter series and we are watching the movies as well. I am excited that I actually think she can finish catching up by July 15th so we can go to the midnight premiere together. This is the last Harry Potter movie and I'm so excited. I just finished re-reading the seventh book again. Watching the movies with Sara has made me want to re-read the whole series again for sort of a refresher. I'll be starting book 1 again tomorrow.
This might not be geeky per say, but so what? =] We had the best storm in a long time on Sunday. It was hot and beautiful all day and then a torrential downpour came. If my time of the month hadn't started, I would have been jumping around in the rain. The thunder clouds excited me and we even saw and hear lightning. It was epic. I LOVE storms sooooo much!!!
Ze Stuff Relating to Church
Ok....in my further attempt to categorize these clusters of posts here encompasses all things current with all things church and church friends related.
Sara and I are deciding what church to go to. Right now we are trying out Calvary Chapel Worship Center in Hillsboro. So far I like it. They seem to have a lot of the same church values that I like. The pastor has a great sense of humor. They print out a sermon summary so it is really easy for me to follow along during church. They have a welcome packet for all new members (though I could have lived without being pointed out in front of the church on my first day). The leader in charge of the college group contacted us within 24 hours and the pastor sent us a letter welcoming us to the church. It was all REALLY welcoming. Tomorrow/Today Sara will go to their Wednesday service and this Friday we will go to their young adult study.
I feel bad lately though. I know that Sara wants to jump in and be uber active in a church, and I love that. The only thing is, I don't think I can just jump from occasionally going to church once a week to going to church 3 times a week. I suggest going to Wednesday and Friday service because I feel like it is what I should be doing and I know that church is good for you and all, but if I feel an obligation to do it instead of a desire to do it, I won't like going and I don't ever want to get to that point. I slipped a lot in the past year and I don't like it, but it takes more than a few weeks to change a lifestyle habit. I have my aspirations for this area, I want to get hooked into a group study that will become long term, one that I can build relationships in, but it will take time. I just want to start right now by going to Sunday services regularly, find a church I like and then take steps upward from there. Does that make me horrible? I don't think so.
In other news, I get to see my TP girls this weekend for Floopday. I'm stoked and will be glad to hang out with them. Since the TP study ended I was still worried that me moving away would prevent me from seeing them, even though we talked about this, but I am regaining hope =]
Sara and I are deciding what church to go to. Right now we are trying out Calvary Chapel Worship Center in Hillsboro. So far I like it. They seem to have a lot of the same church values that I like. The pastor has a great sense of humor. They print out a sermon summary so it is really easy for me to follow along during church. They have a welcome packet for all new members (though I could have lived without being pointed out in front of the church on my first day). The leader in charge of the college group contacted us within 24 hours and the pastor sent us a letter welcoming us to the church. It was all REALLY welcoming. Tomorrow/Today Sara will go to their Wednesday service and this Friday we will go to their young adult study.
I feel bad lately though. I know that Sara wants to jump in and be uber active in a church, and I love that. The only thing is, I don't think I can just jump from occasionally going to church once a week to going to church 3 times a week. I suggest going to Wednesday and Friday service because I feel like it is what I should be doing and I know that church is good for you and all, but if I feel an obligation to do it instead of a desire to do it, I won't like going and I don't ever want to get to that point. I slipped a lot in the past year and I don't like it, but it takes more than a few weeks to change a lifestyle habit. I have my aspirations for this area, I want to get hooked into a group study that will become long term, one that I can build relationships in, but it will take time. I just want to start right now by going to Sunday services regularly, find a church I like and then take steps upward from there. Does that make me horrible? I don't think so.
In other news, I get to see my TP girls this weekend for Floopday. I'm stoked and will be glad to hang out with them. Since the TP study ended I was still worried that me moving away would prevent me from seeing them, even though we talked about this, but I am regaining hope =]
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